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AOL Hotels

Through a series of strategic alliances, AOL members can enjoy a wide array of hotel, motel and destination resort discounts. Sure, you can get the same lame 5% rate discount by flashing your AARP card or mentioning that you think you met somebody once that might have been a Triple-A member, but AOL membership also offers these fine additional benefits:

  • Free dial-up internet access, and at 39.9kb speed to boot!
  • Complimentary 'in-room' color television.
  • Every toilet sanitized for your protection by certified toilet sanitization specialists.
  • Three free condoms for the guys and a special odor control pack for the gals.
  • Exclusive 'Surround Sound' walls at select resorts. Why get stuck purchasing costly pay-per-view adult films when you can listen to hot, live action in one or more of the adjacent rooms?
  • Free AOL 9.1 CD in every bible.
  • Every time you register at an affiliated hotel your name is entered into a special "Be the next total loser that can't navigate the Internet without AOL" TV commercial drawing. YOU could very well be our next TV star!
  • Discounts on select, local area attractions and whores.
  • Complimentary Captains Wafers.
  • Spam printed out in full-color and delivered to your doorstep every morning... it's like you just logged on!

    Have your credit card handy and book your exciting destination accommodations today.

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