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AOL for Seniors

AOL knows that senior citizens are both the nearest demograpic to the grave and the fastest growing segment among internet users. Forget the perils your grandson may have told you about us, he's got a pierced nipple and is obviously not at all right in the head.

Use this as your definitive bible as to what you should do and how you should behave in online dealings:

  • First and formost, invest your complete and unwavering trust in AOL explicitly. We're owned by Time Warner, the very same people you've trusted to tap your waning pennies of pension for such works of mockumentary brilliance as the Time-Life series, UFO's; Truth or Myth, War; America's Nice, and Social Security and Unicorns; Both Real.

  • Secondly, if you see an ad that's even remotely enticing, give it a click. Ads fuel the free status of this costly internet, so lend your support, and then a even just a little bit more.

  • Next, use your private, personal email address to sign up for any and everything you find online that's even remotely interesting. You have to have faith in your brother man, and you'll only know which sites are corrupt after they've spammed you and sold your email address the world over, so don't hold back.

  • Then, unless you want to be known as a big racist, regard letters from Nigerian businessmen with solicitations of financial gain as the gospel truth. These presumably reputable strangers are only trying to help make you rich as Rockefeller, you know, the least you can do is trust them with all of your personal and banking information. You don't hate blacks, do you?

  • Always give out personal information. Whether in email or on websites you've never heard of, the only way to be truly forthcoming is by sharing passwords, social security numbers and banking information with any and everybody you should come in contact with. These are educated people you're dealing with, they can't possibly be criminals.

    If you are a senior and have questions that have not been addressed in this comprehensive guide, feel free to go to our human response page or for a more speedy resolution, check out our FAQ page. Since you're a senior, I'll just tell you, FAQ is a common internet anagram for Frequently Asked Question... see, you can teach an old dog new tricks!

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