Now, for the new, competitive low price of $49.95 per month, you can have your very own slice of this wild and ever-growing internet, despite having absolutely nothing of interest to say, nor a single original thought in your head.
Exciting AOL advantages include:
Whopping one meg (1Mb) of storage space. Ideal for years of idle prattle and as many as several pictures.
500 Kb monthly transfer, sufficient to allow tens of ones of readers to enjoy your site's content before it unexpectedly shuts off and directs you to make immediate payment for a delayed reinstatement.
Unique URL for your site that isn't entirely impossible to remember. For example, your address may be as easy and short as www.membersites.aol.com/newpromo/sites/pages/home/address/SITE-NAME/index.html. If you can't remember it, you're not just a retard, but our kind of retard.
Never worry about advertisements. Ads are a mixed blessing, but never fret about this weighty debate. Much like an abominable Geo Cities or Tripod account, we will load up every last page of your discount account with banners, interstitials, InVues, popups, popunders, search boxes and anything else we can ever conceive of.
Less frequent random data loss. While AOL has long been the first and finest name in random loss of irreplaceable data, we've received more than a few letters implying that this is less than beneficial to our customers. At AOL, we always hear your gravest complaints, and appreciate customer candor as well as the myriad death threats. We've recently begun a system of backing up client data to redundant hard drives fully twice in any given calendar year, so now you can rest assured that, should we suffer our impending, imminent power failure, some of your data from some time in the past year might stand a chance of being at least be partially recovered, though likely in a highly distorted and unintelligible form. This is just one of the many things we're doing as we strive to make AOL better for you.
So before you have a chance to give it a second thought, order yourself up some of this Webhosting@AOL service. We're fit as a fiddle and ready to gobble your ducets. What we lack in quality, we more than make up for in lack of service and gross ineptitude.
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