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AOL Help Page

By very virtue of having clicked to read this page, it's clear you are a newbie both to technology and to the net. That's okay, AOL paid nearly nothing to build this HELP page for you, and that's precisely what it's worth.

If you are having trouble with your AOL browsing or mail experience, you have a few mediocre options at the disposal of our garbage:

  • Read our FAQ. It's dumb, but surely no dumber than your question.

  • Check our tutorials. It's as useless as our FAQ, but you still have to read it first, we won't help you a fig unless you check it first.

  • Contact a human AOL representative directly. It may feel like an exercise in futility, but don't worry, it is.

  • Chat live with an AOL representative.

  • Ask your teenage nephew. While in no way profitable to us, this is by far and away the most successful method any of our members have ever found.
  • As much as we'd like to pretend this help page has been useful, and indeed we'll even insist it is should you succeed in contact us more directly, we know it isn't. Best of luck to you in all you do, but come what may, we've got your credit card number as well as your authorization to charge it monthly until our systemic star goes nova... which it won't, it's too small.

    Oh, and for future reference, when it comes to "help" pages either online or incorporated into your software, the word "help" is not the actual name. It's an abbrv. for "Absolutely No Help Whatsoever". It's more designed to be printed out and kept around for kindling, you know, should you face an unlikely demise from freezing.

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