If you're new to the web and magically stumbled upon this page by virtue of a search engine or accidental mis-stroke of your qwerty hunt 'n pecking, you've lucked in to a grand amount of finest fortune, for this page is all for you. You need Free Email* and we've got it.
Forget the privacy invasion of GMail or the clownery of those Yahoo's over at you-know-where, you deserve better than all that and AOL FreEmail is here to get you connected to all your friends and family, and all for the gloriously low, limited time price of free**.
AOL FreEmail features generously include:
Massive fifteen-message inbox, perfectly for storing a bakers dozen plus a pair of new messages at any given time.
Rigorous spam-filter screens out all messages from non-AOL approved spammers, saving only the most beneficial and profitable messages to garner your attention.
Accounts are ideal for internet fraud as well as low to mid level spamming.
"Read", "Reply" and "Delete" options are included at no charge. Use any and all of these state of the art features as much as you like. ("Forward" and "Address Book" available for a nominal fee.)
Messages retained in message folders for up to 24-hours. Don't feel like checking your email fifteen times a day? AOL understands and allows you to catch all your messages merely by checking twice a day.***
You can expect lots and lots (and lots) of wonderful promotional offers, even if they have to take the place of messages from friends, family and/or co-workers.
Web access enables you to log in to your account from any internet connection around the world to check your messages and view important advertisements.
"Free"**** account allows 24-hour access, though many features (such as "read") are limited to 9:00am to 5:00pm, weekdays, except for Holidays and "IT in-Service" days.)
Many easy to remember email addresses are still available, such as firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org, so you can create an address that fits your personality, your alter-personality or all of your personalities.
Join AOL FreEmail today. AOL FreEmail does not require dial up nor broadband subscription, and can be yours for the low introductory price of $9.95 per month, based on a six-year contract. Month-to-month accounts have temporarily been reduced in price to only $14.99, but may be subject to privacy revocation and widespread public publication.
* By "free" we mean "at a cost of $9.95 per month".
** Again, it's important to point out that by "free", we do not mean free in the traditional sense, but in the sense that it's about ten bucks a month.
*** "Right-click", "print" and "copy" have all been disabled. Should you wish to save your messages, you can easily upgrade your account to super-executive status at any time.
**** Maybe "free" isn't the right word, but we're not about to abandon it now. Consider "free to actually mean "exorbitantly costly".
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