Do you pay for a mortgage? Then you're obviously paying too much! Do you have a mortgage you don't pay? Still too expensive! Is your monthly payment higher than zero dollars? You're a total sucker, don't you believe us? Surely you must!

Whether you own a home that's nearly repossessed due to the problems stemming from this crappy economy, more directly from a layoff at AOL, or just wish you had a mortgage that you still wouldn't make payments on, AOL Mortgage Services can help.

For as little as ten thousand dollars down payment, or an IOU for the same amount, you can buy your own run-down pile of dilapidated crap 200-miles from where you want to be. Yes, even you can experience the tax benefit, hassle, headache and frustration of home ownership. Isn't that great?

And if you already own a steaming pile of house, you can refinance it today, with fast apppoval and a ridiculously corrupt appraisal, virtually insuring loan approval. At no cost to you, we can find values two and three times in excess of fair market. Them's may be a bitch when it comes to repossession, but that ain't until some time in June or July. Until that time you'll enjoy fantastic rates, Enron-caliber tax benefits, and payments as low as "who cares"? Come on, we know you're not going to pay them anyhow, so what difference does it make?

We've got dotted lines, you just have to sign them.

Push notions of personal and corporate corruption aside, as AOL fully supports it. We're here to help you and take our our nickels of commission up front, to hell will next year, we're rich as Rockefeller today, right? Not Just us, but this greedy love can now extend to you too.

(Want to buy AOL stock, since you're feeling all warm, tingly, generous, gullible and wealthy?)