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(Atheist stuff - Hipster stuff - Animal stuff)

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75 - How many hipsters to change a lightbulb?

This is an amalgamation of a bunch of jokes I read about hipsters, with a few new twists added to it.

The art is still recylced from the previous few, but sufficiently re-colored to make it new enough.

74 - Occupy Movement is back!

It just makes sense. There's a bunch of people living in tents downtown, this means the Occupy movement is back, right?

That was the old joke. The quickest way to get rid of the homeless people was to give them Occupy signs and watch the cops run them out of town. Recycled art, but re-colored and what not.

73 - Hipster at the thrift store

This is the first in what you'll quickly realize is a long series of nearly identical hipster comics. Meh, so it goes. I'll juggle the art around a bit, but I put a solid 4-5 hours into making this template, so it's going to stand.

Hipsters like their homeless look. Sometimes they pay $2 for an outfit, other times they pay way, way, way too much for it. This pokes fun at the latter probability.

72 - Arbor Day 2013

Ah Arbor Day, my favorite fake holiday. Yes, let's plant some trees which will be chopped down in a week, month or year at best. No benefit. I'm all about re-foresting the earth, but Arbor Day just isn't doing it.

Recycled art again, though yet again altered enough as to be new... come on dude, I put a TON of hours into making it the first time. I'm not exactly a brilliant cartoonist, I have to make do with what I can muster.

71 - Mother's Day 2013

I mean... seriously, why the hell do we celebrate this? Because Hallmark says we should? To hell with them.

Recycled art from the past batch, but re-colored enough to be new. These will run on non-consecutive days, so nobody in the real fake web world will notice.

70 - Sin justifies the death of Christ

But the bigger question is what would have possibly justified the life of Christ? I know, I know, desert fairy tales and what-not, but still, pretty improbably and factually far from verifiable. Mostly this comic is just me being a dick.

Recycled art from the previous two, but only because I worked hard enough to earn it. Re-colored, of course, and re-arranged, but only the faces are truly original.

69 - Fun with polygamy and slaves

Hey man, this isn't me being a smartass, it's all in the best-selling book very few have ever actually read. It's in the public domain, so well it should be shared far and wide, but dig into it guys, there's some really insane stuff in there.

Art is recycled from the previous one. Last one took almost 4 hours, this one took about 30-40 minutes. I earned it, bitches.

68 - Women in the Bible are, well, yucky

Just another example from Deuteronomy about how absurd the Bible is. I know, I know, Jesus forgave the sins, but God called them out in the first place. You really need a messiah to say this isn't bullshit? Come on people, get real.

I spent a solid 3+ hours on the art for this, so get ready to see more of it repurposed into the next handful of comics. I'll change the faces and recolor it, but I put it in WAY too much work to just leave it be.

67 - What would you change from your life?

I feel bad because the art is almost 100% recycled from the previous one. I didn't even change the background. I didn't pay close enough attention when flattening the layers, and it made it impossible for me to easily change the backdrop.

Same two guys, roughly same situation, slightly more PG outcome. These won't run consecutive on GlossyNews, so it's unlikely anyone would think anything other than that they are recurring characters... which they very well may be.

66 - Who would you pay to have sex with?

This one was also very time consuming in the art department, but not nearly as much as the return of Christ series below. I found a stock photo, copied it as best I could (still made my own major changes) and went from there.

The hair is 100% different, as is the skin colors and faces (nothing like the actual photo,) and I think it generally works.

65 - Why is Jesus a white man?

Recycled art from the previous cartoon with a fresh background and little else (faces, sure, but other than that.) Seriously, why is Jesus always portrayed as a WASPy fellow, when we all know he was an Isreali desert Jew? Surely he looked nothing like the renaissance paintings, which made him out to be contemporary (to the time) Italian.

And just for fun, there's not one, but TWO Douglas Adams jokes in this cartoon. Fans will at least catch it, if not appreciate it.

64 - Jesus Returns!

This one took 3-4 hours to do the art. There's a lot of copy/pasting, but it still killed me, especially the shading. I worked from photographs to get everything right, and this is as close to realism as I think I'll ever get. And yeah, I still can't draw hands. Meh, I think we can get over it.

Still did the textured hair and template eyes I made some weeks back. I may move away from those eyes in the future, not sure yet. Point of the cartoon though, Christ himself would not recognize todays Christians. They're awfully far from his teachings.

63 - No Elvis in heaven

The last (for now) in the missionary doorstep series. Not much new here, save for the joke. Yes, my mother actually said this to missionaries.

62 - Conan O'Brien; Da Bomb or Bomb?

Tonight I watched the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner, and oh man, it was terrible. Stephen Colbert set the bar impossibly high in 2006, and everyone since has seemed like a hired seat-filler.

The art from this is mostly recycled from "I'm not a racist, but--". I changed the arms, clothes, races and hair. Proof positive that head shapes don't equal races in my world.

61 - Yeah, I might be a racist...

All new and fresh art, though lackluster as it is. I'm still not pretending to be an artist, but this one is 100% me. Take it or go fuck yourself. Your choice.

Original art from every last aspect, from head-shapes to hair shading to everything else. It's all me.

60 - How to scam your local missionaries

I feel like this series of cartoons should have a bible in hand, but I'm not about to go back and add it. If I was a professional, you know, an ACTUAL cartoonist, I surely would... but I'm not.

The art is recycled from the previous two, but it's okay because these will likely run on GlossyNews days or even weeks apart. I already have a backlog of maybe 30 cartoons waiting to run.

But you have to admit, this is a pretty massive loophole in the missionary system.

59 - Christian forgiveness has its limits

The funny here is Catholicism, which doesn't really proselytize in North America. Anything ill you do can be absolved by confession. Protestants do it too, but by elimitating the middle man. Just tell Jesus you're sorry, and it's all good, bro.

This art is 90% recycled from the previous one (upon which I spent far too many hours... about four) while only changing faces and background colors... and text, obviously.

58 - Even atheists may hear the voice of Jesus

I've never understood this. When someone says in court that god or Jesus told them to do something, how is it that they're not taken away in shakels for being clearly insane. Hearing voices?

We can come to the "no true Scotsman" argument, but really it's a tacit permission on the part of our society to accept plainly irrational and wholly self-serving delusions. If someone says a voice (Jesus or otherwise) told him to commit atrocity x, y or z, how on earth can we accept that?

I spent far more time on this comic than would be apparent by the outcome. It looks mediocre at best, and I accept that. I've reached a plateau in my art, and I need to start studying again to reach a higher level.

57 - Atheist Sunday service

Seriously, why can't we do this? We know there are countless benefits to communing in such ways. Can't we forget that it's a religious thing and just get together to help one another?

The art is largely recycled from earlier comics, though with new arms, mouths, eyebrows, etc. It's certainly far fresher than anything you'll get in Sunday school for kids.

56 - I'm not racist, but...

A lot of people are not not racist, but even more people claim they aren't, with reasons as varied and valid as "knowing a person of color" or "disclaiming their subsequent statement"... I'm sure that counts.

I spent an awful lot of time working as a waiter in Grant County, Washington, a nice little breeding ground for racism. If you want good, home-grown, organic, high-yeild racism, this is a good place to visit. Nice people too, assuming you're "they're kind of people."

The art is all original and I even employed textured hair. I'd like to extend that to the eyes in the future, but then again, I'd also like to learn how to draw hands and even arms.

55 - How America's factions view Obama

Thought of this one tonight, made it tonight. Even have an open document for another comic I started before it, but this one was just plain better. Who you consider yourself to be greatly impacts how you view your president.

Am I saying Tea Partiers are racist? Yes I am. Plain and simple. Am I racist for portraying Obama in these ways? Gosh I hope not. If it comes across that way it's likely due to a lack of art skills on my part.

This comic relied heavily on looking at existing photographs and recreating them. In some cases I even stole the coloring. The flag and fire backgrounds were all from stock photos that I heavily modified to look cartoonish. The real kicker to this one is that FOX News makes millions from the fear of whatever alleged Bogeyman Obama is in the eyes of their ill-informed viewers.

54 - Is this really your Bible?

It's ridiculous. I can see why they don't preach this stuff in Sunday school, it's horrific, but they also fail to even hint at it in grown-up church?

Either this IS our God, or it isn't... and since you guys refuse to talk about it, I can only assume you're playing the Cafeteria Christian game, where you pick and choose what you want from the "good book".

It's a long comic, but it's a copy/paste from an earlier anti-Christian screed, though with new arms, background colors, etc. This took a lot of work, but it deserved it.

53 - The travesty of legal sodomy

This one is almost wholly recycled art, though it's all MY art, so there's that. Changed the eyes, arms text and background color, but that's it.

Virginia recently had a kerfuffle about banning/legalizing sodomy. This is supposed to be the state "for lovers"... but lovers of what? Boring, vanilla sex? Come on Virginia, you're way too far north for that.

52 - Honestly, how much IS that doggy in the window?

Thought of this one at work too. It came in a number of phases. The original joke was just the first two panels, then the rest came to me a good 6-hours later.

I'd have had it done sooner, but the artwork was daunting. I wanted more from it, but I'm still happy with it for what it is. That blank white space behind dude-left is a door, by the way... not obvious.

51 - My new highlighter hobby

Thought of this one at work, but that's hardly the point. I spent HOURS on this bastard. Instead of two simple heads, I had to make twice as many, color every panel individually, and do tons of other unique items.

I made the bills myself, the lamp myself, and figured out the coloring myself to make it look like blacklight. Wasn't easy, but it was a bit fun.


A | to | W | X | Y | Z
(Atheist stuff - Hipster stuff - Animal stuff)

ABOUT - This is a sometimes webcomic about, you know, kind of whatever. There's no set format (yet), so whatever is funny goes to print. I've only been doing webcomics since the last week of March, 2013, so it's not all that refined just yet. Don't worry, I'm working on it.

If the title of a comic is a hyperlink, that means it's live on GlossyNews.com, and you can go there to post your comments about it. You won't, but it's still an option. Just looking out for you.


How do you make your comics?
Badly, if at all. I do layer upon layer in PhotoShop Elements, which I got free with a pen tablet. I'll get Adobe Illustrator soon enough, just don't have the budget for it just yet, or the capacity to figger it out.

Where did you learn your mad skillz?
Mostly nowhere, but I lean pretty heavily on photographs, then try to replicate them... badly. I've learned a lot from a decade of using Photoshop at various jobs, which helps streamline the process. I like to look at existing art and photos and sketch it out from there, though it doesn't always work the way I'd like.

Where do you draw your inspiration?
Only from the best. The Far Side, xkcd, explosm, the Atheist Pig and too many more to mention.

Come on, who actually asks these questions?
Nobody yet. Just trying to stay ahead of the curve.

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