Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) - Sharing your understanding of blinking lights may lead to unexpected lay-offs later this week.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - Explain to your captain the virtue of masturbation. Dude's already gone enough places no man has gone before. Last thing he needs is cosmic clap atop his Romulan howler herpes.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) - Next time set the transporter on shuffle. After all every planet has breathable air and moderate gravity and no place is really more hostile than any other.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) - Don't hire a second or third shift to allow 24 hour operation. Just let everyone assume the skeleton crew you have works round the clock. Looks mighty good on the raise review.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Instead of asking for a raise consider petitioning for workplace improvements featuring less space age cardboard.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Don't forget that depth of space exploration is inversely proportionate to length of skirt. As such more thigh clearly equals better exploration, baby.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - Hey, spaceman, why rely on other far off planets to give you that 'planet of joy' feeling when there's a whole 'planet of joy' right there inside your pants. Go for it, dude, no one's going to tell.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) - Instead of going straight to the 'mindmeld', spend some time getting to know the real person who's the object of your interest. It's called interaction and it'll make the 'mindmeld' that much more enjoyable.

Aries: (March 21-April 19) - I know what you did last summer. It's cool though, bitch had it coming.

Taurus: (April. 20-May 20) - It's a common saying among space travelers that there's 'no bull in space.' Except you Taurus - grab hold of your horn, or, better yet, have a previously-never-seen-before-soon-to-be-killed shipmate grab it, and make this day 'your day'.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21) - A time warp may not be the only way you can 'set back the hands of time', Mr. Vulcan. Why wait seven years? A few candles, some Vulcan 'love cream', and you can 'make like it's 1999' with your special someone. It's that logical.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22) - Consider not giving it all she's got, that way when the captain tells you to, you'll still have something you can do.