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Administration to Pre-empt Iran by Nuke Israel First

IRS Roosts on Top Spot of "Hugest Cocks" List

Michael Jackson, The King of Freaks, death finally starting to look interesting.

Daley Makes Plans for Gitmo Prisoners, Warns Welcome Wagoneers

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Biz News
Employee Bathroom Time Monitored With New Electronic Hand Dryer

Chinese Chopsticks Recalled

Unemployment Line Surges with Republicans

Christ-Era Expense Scandal Shows UK MPs "Being Traditional"

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Entertainment
Soulja Boy Yet to Register with Selective Service

Is Top Gear's "The Stig" a Secret Tory MP?

Laura Bush's New Book: "Pleasures of Masturbation"

Celeb Chef Ramsay Says "So F'ing Sorry"

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Horoscopes
Albacoreascopes

Dim Sum's Horoscopes, Almanac, and Planting Guide

Social Security Poor-a-scopes

Mr. Mysterio's Horoscopes

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KidZone
Puerto Rico Children's Museum No Place for Kids

Kid Witness to Cake Theft Crawls Forward w/ Testimony

12yo Boy "Not Father" According Reason, Fact

New Mensa Member Still in Diapers

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Health
Greedy Grocer Super-Slim Salads Packed with FAT

Voodoo Gangs Target Albino "Medicine Donors"

Big Pharma: Names You Simply Cannot Trust

Burnham OKs Nazi-Style Water Fluoridation

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Sports
Transvestite Soccer Nuns Hot, Deported

Jap Granny Set to Kung Fu Chop Competition

Blood Sporters Boost Tartan Grouse Stocks

3rd Rate Hatton Floored by 3rd World Thumping

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Technnologizzy
Old Joke Keeps Getting Funnier, Scientists Baffled

Tobacco Powered Car Smokes Competition

Glossy News Seeks a Full-Time Editor

Scientific Study Finds Chickens Stressed as Fuck

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Community
Welfare Scammer a Dead Ringer for Deceased Mother

Safety Rules Saves Lives, Ruins Childhoods

Study Finds Red Necks, Trailer Trash, Criminals And Sex Offenders Live In Trailer Parks

Webster to Redefine "Unemployed", "Lazy" to Remain Unchanged

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