8:30pm: "Man, do these chics know what they're in for or WHAT?" With only a half hour until "go time" the guys take a moment to ponder the fate of the unwitting women they're about to conquer.
Mac Townsend and company were hoping for a party of unimaginable magnitude and some killer videos when they advertised and hosted the 1st annual who-bangathon. This event was intended to draw hootchies from all across the tri-county area to participate in a mad sequential orgy with him and his colleagues Jace Watson and Robbie Miller. Unfortunately instead it turned out to be a "sausage fest" with not only a lack of women but also an abundance of guys hoping for sloppy seconds, thirds and/or fourths. continued below...Story continues beyond the photos.
~ Chornology of a Kick-Ass Slut Party ~
9pm: Oh, man! Tequila shots off titties! The party was ROCKIN wherever these girls were. We decided to open the Cheeze Whiz and look at another porno site.
9:45pm: Finished off the Cheeze Whiz & Wheat Thins. Spent 35 minutes closing porn ads, came back to this party site. Look at them slush-puppies! We split a can of Bud Lite.
10:00pm: Stupid fuckin Robbie! That lame-ass lost the party website! Who want's to look at THESE hounds? We split another Bud Lite and vow to allow only super-models in our party. Robbie says he'd like to bang the blonde, so we make him lick the monitor. He's fucking drooling on it, man!
10:20pm: Tongue-tied Lesbo spit-swappin! MAN, the house is ROCKIN! Our apartment remains quiet, but we're starting to giggle pretty loud. Fuck it, I'm havin' a whole can of Bud!
The promoters of the event report losses may run as high as $85. Kinko's provided much of the printing with a 10% volume discount. Fliers were distributed to private college campus's and church youth groups. Costs were to be offset by video royalties and steep admission fees for male participants.
"I told you we should have hit the nail salons," explained Jace, discouraged with his endeavor. "Nail salons, tanning salons, checks cashed, tattoo and piecing emporiums and AA meetings. That's where the who's are at!" continued below...Story continues again beneath photos.
10:25pm: WHAT THE FUCK?!? That's my Aunt Susan!! Goddam Robbie put a webcam in her bedroom! Aw, shit, I'm gettin' a boner over my own aunt. And where the fuck is Uncle Bill? I need another Bud Lite.
10:30pm: Mmmmm...Now were talkin! Fattened veal...I'd like to tenderize this little calf. Oooh, she WANTS it, too! For $19.95 we can watch her for the next 45 minutes. No girls have shown up yet. Jace & Robbie are goin next door to see if Mrs. Nelson want to come over to "ride the stallions". I'd better grab another Bud Lite.
10:40pm: Oh...Oh...Mrs. Nelson! Yeah, make me your Bad Boy...Fuck, I'm shit-faced! I don't even know how I found this site, but I better bookmark it....I gotta puke.
10:55pm: This is Jace - - Mac is hurling his guts out in the sink. Mrs Nelson is 67 years old. She's wearing a green sweatshirt and knee-high support hose. She made me go to this site 'cause she says she likes slut-on-slut action. She's drinking gin and has her hand on Robbie's leg. I'm scared.
11:10pm: Man, that Cheeze-Whiz & brew makes for some nasty puke! I found Jace passed out in front of this dry-hump-a-thon pic. Robbie must be really sick...he's locked in the bedroom, and it sounds like he's crying. What a freakin' kick-ass party, man!!!
"Yeah," added Robbie. "Methadone clinics, abortion clinics, plasma centers, homeless shelters. All kinds of places." His comment largely drew blank stares.
Mac explained his intention of attracting a different quality of "who's" to the event and apologized repeatedly for the embarrassing failure.
