Think she'll have any problem with halter-bow help? Not likely.
Man, chicks got it easy these days. There are so many advantages to being a girl it makes me sick. It's not even like us guys can do anything about it either. Dressing in drag doesn't do it and gobbling estrogen like TicTacs can only make things worse. Let's take a look at what makes being a chick so damn fortunate.
Free Stuff. That's right, chicks get all kinds of stuff for free, usually without even asking, but just because they're girls. Admission to clubs, drinks at the clubs, even a free place to crash after getting too drunk. That's unfair.
No Speeding Tickets. Bat the eyes and flash the demure smile and all of a sudden that 50 in a 35 doesn't seem so wrong. When that fails, which it rarely does, the simple unfastening of a lone blouse button then does the trick.
Sexy Hetero Clothes. Got an ugly face? Well, honey, it don't matter a fly. Don some chick clothes and you're easily made sexy. It doesn't matter if you're built like Danny DeVito, sexy clothes will draw attention and take any suitors eyes off your dump truck face. Guys don't get the same luxury. Let's face it, sexy guy clothes only get you attention at gay bars.
Always Pursued, Never the Pursuer. Even though women outnumber men in almost every civilized nation the male minority is still forced to put themselves out on limbs to ask girls out. It's insane. Men can't tell courtesy from flirting yet they're stuck asking women out at random which almost always leads to crushed spirits. It's a poor design.
She bats .034 on the field and gets sent to the showers every day. Guess who just made the team? HINT: It ain't you.
No Obligation to Pay for Dates. Once out on the date there's no assumption that the woman would actually spot the bill. After all, the date wasn't her idea in the first place. Men can expect a date to pay their portion of the bill once in a while, but those elusive instances are invariably followed by "Let's be friends."
Sex on Tap. When men want sex they have to get their bucket, head down to the well and hope someone happens by with a rope to help them fetch their sex, only to find the well has most often run dry. Women are indoor-plumbed for sex. When they want a nice hot sex-bath they can just turn on the faucet and climb right in. Men who get this luxury face a staggering utility bill after each and every indulgence.
Men are Punching Bags. While admittedly most domestic violence stems from male aggression, the female aggressors are never held accountable. Girls go ahead and beat their ball bags ad mysopenia with ne'er the suspicion they'll go to jail. Better yet, the outcome is usually the opposite. Don't worry, he'll forgive you when you bail him out come Monday morning.
Denim cut-offs and heeled sandals at the beach...working for her, totally fag for you.
Whoring for Fun & Profit. If you've ever tried to find a fun and exciting way to fund your $300 a day smack habit you know how tricky it can be. Most people paid for booty are women since women are the typical gatekeepers of sex. Men can sell sex to other men, but typically don't since gay men have little difficulty in the procurement of third-party orgasms. Again, because women aren't involved and therefore there are no gatekeepers.
They Know the Kid is Theirs. You never see mamas on Maury Povich saying "It don't look like me, Maury, that baby ain't mine." Maternity is never in doubt nor is custody.
Abortion Or Baby, She Decides. You don't want a baby but she does then you're more screwed than the night she finally gave it up. Want the baby and she don't, well there's a special place in hell for seed-wasters like you, pal.
Chicks Live Longer. Did you know that? Yeah, kind of since forever, grandmas always outlives grandpa.
If you and your buddy rode a bike together - crotch to ass - you'd be knocked off with clubs and beaten beyond recognition. Chicks? Total hard-on visual.
Quit Your Job, Why Not? Baby-mama decides to stay home and she's being responsible. Homey tries the same thing and he's a slacker. Get back to work ball-currier, it's your obligation to provide for the family...that you never wanted...after you bought her lobster and spent half your check getting her drunk enough to consent.
They've Got Style. Women can decorate, dress, and even arrange flowers. If you've seen a dude try you know why it doesn't work out.
AIM, Yahoo Messenger, Trillian & MSN are ICQ about you. All instant chat services ever were designed to afford any woman, regardless of inner or outer beauty the luxury of getting laid within 20 minutes at any hour of any day.
While women still complain of menstruation (which is easily circumvented by many birth control methods) and lower income for comparable jobs (which is readily falling away), few honeys deny the benefits of having not one, but two tits.
The news is mixed so, ladies, rejoice in the power of your femininity. And guys, continue shaking your hairy-knuckled fists in the air in impotent rage. Clearly it won't help even the slightest bit. It won't change anything but, if it makes you feel better, why that's all you've got.
Still not convinced? How many fat, disgusting slobs out there can marry a wrinkled 110 year-old billionairess, have sex with her, have her finally croak, and end up with more money than the Pope AND a hot French maid scrubbing their backs? It just ain't fair...
