Oh man, can you just smell the rankerous stank of lethargy about me? Turkey poisoning man, I got it baaaaad.
It feels like it's been a good fifty years of non-stop turkey gobbling, and I do believe I've got me a wicked case of that turkey poisoning the FDA's been warning about.
Me and Mr. ThanksTurkey both weighed in at twenty-five pounds a week ago, but he's down to about zero and I'm up to maybe a hundred and a half. Talk about us both being sleepy!
LEFT: Let's not pretend it's easy for even a single second. I've been eating turkey for what feels like years and my tummy's grumbling from the overload of stuffing and cranberry. It's as if there's some secret ingredient in it that makes you drowsy. Sadly, scientists will never, ever know... they certainly dont' know about it now.
We've both been stuffed since last Thursday, and I don't think either of us is going to be able to recoup. Seriously, you try putting a previously devoured turkey back in his coup. Think about it for a second, it don't work.
It's a seasonal affliction, I'm told. It comes around each year just like the flu epidemic. This isn't an infectious ailment but one of over-indulgence. Drink too much yucky-pop, face alcohol poisoning. Same deal here, eat too much turkey and face near-certain turkey poisoning.
RIGHT: As if you can't tell, I'm punch drunk with the slapping tips of turkey wings, ready to collapse beneath a tidal wave of triptophan... no wait, I guess I did collapse. Either way, you get the idea. Toxic stuff man, toxic I tell you.
I'm so turkey drunk-drunk I've got more potatoes in my hair than cranberry sauce on my face. That's a wicked ratio to maintain and I've got no clue how I did it.
I'd love to write more but I just can't. I had a turkey omelet for breakfast, a turkey sammich for lunch and turkey soup for dinner. I've got a wicked build-up of amino acid going on here and I have to go sleep it off.
LEFT: Let's not pretend it's easy for even a single second. I've been eating turkey for what feels like years and my tummy's grumbling from the overload of stuffing and cranberry. It's as if there's some secret ingredient in it that makes you drowsy. Sadly, scientists will never, ever know... they certainly dont' know about it now.
RIGHT: As if you can't tell, I'm punch drunk with the slapping tips of turkey wings, ready to collapse beneath a tidal wave of triptophan... no wait, I guess I did collapse. Either way, you get the idea. Toxic stuff man, toxic I tell you.
