Need to get that dusty old resume ready for the next big job hunt? In today’s tough economy, writing an effective resume is more important than ever. Here are some great insider tips we collected from 10 top-notch resume writers.
1. Add some spice to your crappy job descriptions.
Nobody has to know you couldn’t do better than illegal migrant workers. Check it out:
Before
Burger King
Junior Griller
July 1996 - July 1996
Cooked hamburgers and chicken patties
After
Burger King Corporation
Asset Fabrication Analyst
1996
Responsible for the rapid conversion of input materials to prepared units ready to be packaged and assembled for client delivery. Interfaced directly with supply chain representatives to ensure timely distribution of finished product to rotund purchaser base.
2. Choose a college degree, but make it believable.
Everyone knows employers don’t verify your college degree, but they won’t believe YOU went to Stanford, either. Choose a well-known college within your ability level, such as University of Phoenix.
3. Provide at least 3 fake references, but use hard-to-pronounce foreign names to deter the employer from calling.
Studies show that employers are 74% less likely to contact your fake references if their names are difficult or embarrassing to pronounce. For example, remove “Michael Simmons” and replace him with “Abjirnwi Palamienques.” The employer may just take your word for it!
4. Add obvious skills.
Today’s job-seeker needs that extra edge, and you can obtain it by re-entering all those obvious skills the competition stopped using years ago. Try:
- Computer use
- Alphabetical organization skills
- Superior penmanship
- Can operate the following devices: FAX machine, letter opener, bulk stapler, hole punch, and microwave oven
5. Don’t be discouraged - the other candidates suck too!
The gene pool is your ally. For a hiring manager, the only thing worse than sitting through an agonizing interview with you is sitting through an agonizing interview with the next applicant. Suck slightly less and the position is yours!
