Shit-for-brains UK teachers with an NVQ1 diploma in Advanced Guesswork claim they can tell which pupils are likely to play up or be the local Anti-Christ incarnate simply by looking at their names - according to a recent government survey.
The poll of 3,000 teachers possessing the basic educations skills of being able to write their own name and use an ATM machine - commissioned by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money - found more than one in three expected pupils with certain names to be more disruptive and qualify for mention in their Asbo special naughty book awards.
Pupils with the forenames of Dorian, Ghengis or Mohammed, Atilla, Saddam, Vlad, Adolph, Abdul, Caligula, Chelsea, Courtney and Chardonnay were among some of the ones to watch – with Bart and Osama topping the entire list.
The online survey by parenting club Scruntts.com found 99% of UK teachers made guesstimate assumptions and stereotyped a child when they first looked down the classroom pupil register.
The survey also asked teachers what they considered the most common names for the goody-goody two-shoes types – with Jesus, Mahatma, Bodhirama, Theresa and Mary topping the list – and the brightest children tending to be called such names as Brainella, Plato, Archimedes or Intelligencia.
The most popular kids in class and around the school – the muscled-up sports jocks and sexy cheerleader types - were deemed to be gifted with names such as Dirk, Brad, Dorian, Fellattia, Nymphella and Sapphie.
The survey was severely criticised by parent groups for further stigmatizing kids by including the most common names for the ESN types- educationally sub-normal – or ‘thickies’.
These included Norm’, Beavis, Selwyn, Dubya, Nump’, Bono, Prunella, Monty, Coco, Barack and Stig.
Pupils considered likely candidates to suffer from the Bell Curve Deficiency Syndrome were those named Kunta, Barack, Washington, O’Dinga, Jefferson, Oprah, Whoopi and Jemima.
But on the lighter side teachers got a giggle and a smile from some of the more unpronounceable names of pupils whose parents were part of the EU’s burgeoning migrant workforce now residing in the UK and their monikers came from the vowel-sparse Cyrillic alphabet – with Qnbbhudd for boys (pronounced Knobhead) and Jgittumhuff (pronounced Getemoff) for girls.
Kids opined by teachers to turn out as likely home-grown domestic terrorist types who might blow up large public buildings like the Alfred E. Neuman FBI headquarters in Oklahoma City were not called Timothy but Patsy, Schlemiel, Gudgeon, Dupey or Pawnella.
Those considered most likely to be charged with war crimes for the torture of prisoners or committing My Oh My Lai style massacres in Iraq and Afghanistan tended to be herded into the name category of Bart, Duke, Mack, Beavis, Dubya, Aaron, Shylock, and Hymie.
A marginal note was added that the authors were not targeting Kikes in general or guilty of anti-Semitic stereotyping – but the established fact remained that those were the names currently topping the International Court of Human Rights abuse list for their great work with the Israel’s IDF military engaged in Project Genocide around Gaza.
