Glossy News continues it's commitment to Skittlebrau technology by constantly researching new alcoholic beverages in an attempt to learn with will react most favorably with Skittles. Today's findings are on the mixture of Skittles with Boones Farm Fuzzy Naval. I give you, the Skuzzy Naval.
As a further forward I think it bears mention that this was not my first alcoholic experience of the evening. With that in mind, some of my findings and comments may be somewhat less than objective.
For this delicious concoction I decided to break the flavors down into seperate groups. Each individual color got its own six ounce cup with five Skittles.
Within 30 seconds all cups started to fizz and change colors. Within two minutes all mixtures had changed colors and only continued to fizz very slightly. Unlike soft drinks, these bubbles were very small. That's a peculiarity all right.
Five cups for five colors.
Round One-
Red smelled fruity and delightful. Taste was sweet and refreshing, not unlike the traditional fuzzy naval as it comes straight from the bottle.
Orange smelled nearly identical with only the slightest touch of tartness. Were it not for the hue I'd be unaware this was not red flavored.
Yellow has yet the same scent… and yet the same taste… this was getting odd.
Green already had a couple mucousy floaties. That's not specifically a bad sign, though it hardly puts the mind at ease. Smell is only slightly varied, though I can't place the difference. For now we shall call the aroma "green". The taste is fully five percent different from those before. The taste was different again in the same way as it smells, which is "green".
Purple has taken on a brownish hue. Perhaps even burnt sienna colored, though I never did find a use for that particular Crayola. Smell is so identical it scantly bares mention. Taste is only slightly more purple than the others.
At half time I notice the colors have grown more rich as the steeping continues. None are fizzing and all have now acquired the floaties. Not looking forward to round two on account of how uneventful round one looked from my vantage. Though thinking back to other, less successful experiments, my lack of excitement should not be confused with fear or despair.
Half empty, half tasty.
Round Two-
Red still smelled sweet and tasted even sweeter. Wowza, that last sip was a real ass puckerer. Oddly the residual nuggets were comprised of three red pieces and two yellow ones… They were all red going in. Hmm, that's weird. Perhaps there is something it should be telling me.
The orange had gotten potent. Left eye wanted to water a bit. Very sweet at the bottom, but not unlike my old lady. Again though, the colors of the artifacts do not match. This time it's four pieces orange and one piece that is purple. So strange since they all went in orange… or did they?
Green has grown a mite bit tart, also kind of like my old lady. Smells a bit like a Capri Sun squeezy juice at an ant infested picnic. I know that smell anywhere, 'tis the sweet stench of fermenting sucrose. Oh, and did I mention tart?
Purple actually ain't sniffin' out too bad, but it's the bottom of the barrel. The floaties look dusty, though experience tells me that's normal. Strong taste. Tastes like artificial cherry fruit punch, the kind that comes in crystalline form and begs you to add a cubic yard of sugar to it. Doesn't smell as sweet as it tastes, unlike my old lady, though more like a dime store hooker, of whom I've had maybe a bit more than my share.
I do believe I'm diabetic. Before me I had five empty glasses with twenty five tired Skittle carcasses… Their death shall not have been in vain, I committed my jowls as a mass grave commemorating their resistance to the ghetto malt beverage.
The puddle of their habitat proved simply wrong. Perhaps an alcoholic toddler would find solace in such inebriating syrup but not me. I was absorbed in the half pound of periodontal plague that finally pleased my tired jaw. Half sober, I finished them off.
Summary
If you wish to experience insulin shock yourself, this may be the drink for you. If you enjoy Zima and other such fruity girl-beers, but find they are just not sweet enough for you, this may be the ticket. If there are too many teeth in your head and you wish to promptly rot a few away, this beverage is just what the dentist ordered. Short of those unlikely possibilities, my word of advice is "don't".
