As part of our ongoing commitment to research in the scientific community, we've invested in furthering the Skittlebrau technology as pioneered by Crazy Engineer. There is so much work to be done and all one can do is make a dent in the effort however they are able.
Using my Smirnoff Ice, I chose to make three uniquely colored and flavored glasses of Skirnoff Icekittle. One dedicated to yellow and orange, the second to red and purple, and the third to green. This is my first experiment in Skittlebrauing, so needless to say I'm shared skitless about the experience. I warmed up by eating a good dozen or so raw Skittles before realizing I could become sick of them any minute, if not sick from them.
Immediately the reaction was apparent and the color began to change.
Upon introduction the three vials (or viles if you prefer,) promptly changed color, effectively stripping the hard yet tasty candy coating.
The green mixture tasted remarkably bitter and not unlike poorly made lime punch, like the kind you used to have at your aunt's birthday parties. Except it had the liquor taste more like when your uncle would show up. By sip four the funny pucker is gone, but sadly its place had been taken by an involuntary quake. I move on.
The red and purple mix actually tasted largely unchanged. I think this is in line with Crazy Engineer's findings that perhaps these clear malt beverages, or bitch beers, are in fact made from a derivation of Skittles themselves. Or, perhaps the malts are simply cosmically tuned to the same frequency as Skittles. Um...whatever, I down the second drink, finding it punchy and tart, yet remarkably non-repugnant.
As the fizzing died down a deep Skittalic hue remained.
Yellow/orange gave me the same first impression; "Isn't this how it's supposed to taste anyhow?" The color is a rich orange cream and the texture is nothing out of place. I expected an orange sherbet taste, but got more of a cheap orange soda. Unremarkable. Second sip is again more punchy and tart, but not so potent like the purple. From this I conclude I've used too much Skittle in my mix, and that this increasing potency is the result of prolonged disintegration.
I'm feeling a pretty good buzz at this point which I attribute to the consumption of over 12 ounces of alcohol in about 10 minutes, though the sugar rush is balancing me out nicely. I lumber into further experimentation.
Well now...back to the green to finish it off. I'm a bit scared, having re-read my comments on pungency and soaking time. At this point there are white floaties which would be disturbing outside of a controlled environment such as this. Wow, despite having only put 7 greens in it, the potency is really overwhelming. I'm glad I'm alone.
The red and purple mix, on second taste, really ain't half bad. Further credence to the co-creation theory. I've double checked the ingredients on the can, but unfortunately it is somewhat less than revealing. The last sip is a real doozy though, sweeter than I care for. Orange was likewise quite good in closing. I find I'm smacking my lips very loudly and decide it's gonna be my scientific signature.
Happy nuggets? These mystery sweet-meats beat drinking the worm any day.
For my grand finale I decided to take the remaining pale pastel nuggets and throw them all into a single glass for an elixir of yet unprecedented sorts. I cleared my pallet by finishing off what little was left in the can, only to find the unadulterated drink bland and uninteresting. I smack my lips grandiosely. Science rocks.
The mix had an alarming foam on top with pasty sugar residue built up that looked amazingly like the white crusties surrounding my mouth. Heavy sigh and lip-smacking employed, I took the first sip... again, not half bad. Much too sweet for my liking, but I could see something like this genuinely making it to market. I smack my lips triumphantly and consider hurling. A complete analysis of my stomach contents might prove important.
What possesed me to make and drink such a concoction? Was it the quest for truth, the name of science or just plain madness?
Overall, I was surprised at how we were able to top the caloric intake of a sweet malt beverage, but clearly we prevailed. As with most scientific experimentation, more questions raised than answered. Accordingly, our research will press forward. Excelsior!
