This sign, clearly displayed at Clydesdale Hamlet, unequivocally establishes the beer’s dominance at the park.
San Diego, CA - Sea World is no longer just a place for children to have fun and potentially learn something about fish and marine mammals. It is also a place where adults can come, and for a nominal surcharge, get themselves ridiculously blitzed.
As the sign suggests, Sea World is owned and operated by Anheuser-Busch, the proud producers of Budweiser beer, among many other lukewarm intoxicants. No longer does an adult have to settle for a Shamu baseball cap as a cheesy souvenir – now he can proudly and boldly display a Sea World T-Shirt with the famous Budweiser Clydesdales. Neither does he have to settle for an overpriced glass of Coke with his lunch – the entire Budweiser family of beers is on tap and flowing like the long sought fountain of drunken youth.
In a bold marketing move, Anheuser-Busch has replaced the 55-degree sea water in the marine mammal tanks with a mixture of carefully balanced sea water and 55-degree Budweiser beer. Let me tell you, when Shamu jumps out of the water – err, beer-water, I mean – and splashes down on his side, the stuff forms quite a frothy head. Of course, people sitting in the first ten rows still get soaked, but now, many of them, children included, will also get sloshed... gratis.
Water in the fish tanks has been replaced with a diluted mix of Bud Lite, but the fish still swim eerily upside down, weaving aimlessly about their tanks.
Scott Goldman, a Sea World spokesman, said, “Shamu and his pals have never been happier. Show me a man who wouldn’t want to swim in a six-million gallon tank of foamy beer and I’ll eat my hat." Scott hastily added, "My official Budweiser hat, of course."
The new faces of Sea World.
Local prohibitionists, however, are up in arms. “Sea World is supposed to be a child-friendly place,” said Hector Ramón. “But now it’s just another den of debauchery – a veritable weeping sore on the ass of our once great city. What’s next for San Diego, pole dancing and illegal immigrants?”
Children, however, seem to have a different view. “I like Anheuser-Busch,” said eight-year-old Lucy O’Dell. “We used to come here and Dad would be all cranky and make us leave by noon. Now we keep his beer full and make him sit up front on the splashy shows and everybody’s happy.”
For the moment, at least, it seems like a win-win situation. The animals and guests are (mostly) happy, and Anheuser-Busch is raking in cash fist over kidney. “The next step is going to be the phasing out of our current menu and replacing it with bar food, such as nuts, pretzels and mozzarella sticks,” says Goldman, adding, “oh, and pole-dancing. We think this is gonna be huge. Might even get rid of the fish. They're kind of expensive to keep around and they smell pretty nasty, you know?"
