Lookalikes line up in droves at newly opened Labor-Ready offices to get temporary work.
Saddam Hussein was captured in his hometown of Town of Tikrit Sunday, liberating dozens of near-flawless lookalikes to pursue careers in the private sector.
"We are all very excited," said Omar Al Talaal, self proclaimed doppelganger extraordinaire. "We had great jobs under Saddam with good pay and excellent benefits, but the US invasion has left us without income and in large danger. Now we can use the large good looks Allah has bestowed [upon] us to become more rich than the real Saddam."
I am available for corporate events such as juggling and unicycle stunts at OPEC meetings
While some of the body doubles plan to stay in Iraq and work birthday parties and corporate events, others have already made plans to head to Vegas for the "All Saddam Review", where they will be performing vaudeville at the MGM Grand Hotel. Osama Bin Hussein told waiting reporters, "This country has been so dangerous for us, Muhammed Akbar Baqir had a gig at a 50th birthday party that went large poorly. He was [a] very good lookalike but [the] party ended [with an] air strike."
Some dopplegangers must be more blurry than others to pass.
Following the announcement, revelers took to the streets to celebrate the event that may lead to diminished US presence in Iraq, firing rifles into the air. Ayat Yusuf, a noted Saddam Hussein lookalike was wounded by one of the errant bullets, but reported, "It is [a] small price to pay for to get rid of American forces in Iraq. I'd [have] given my life dozens [of] times if I thought [that] they [would] leave. Now I can work parties, private events, and also too Bar Mitzvah's."
Though it has not yet been confirmed with DNA testing that the man in captivity is in fact Saddam Hussein, it is confirmed that not one of his doppelgangers speaks intelligible English, knows the meaning of the word "large", nor has any command of prepositions.
