Governor Schwarzenegger wasn't looking his best at a recent political rally, and the GOP decided to endorse him to help pay for his upkeep.
Though Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-Cal.) has not yet discussed reelection, the California Republic Party has changed a party rule and publicly endorsed him a full sixteen months before the 2006 gubernatorial primary. “The Democratic Party has already made a similar rule change to field candidates for this office,” said Karen Hanretty, a party spokeswoman. “To remain competitive, the party had to make this necessary, one-time rule change.”
That one-time rule change will allow Terminator-type robots to seek reelection. Previously, the party would only endorse a Terminator for a single term in office. However, with Gov. Schwarzenegger’s soaring popularity among both Republicans and Democrats, the GOP felt that the rule change was a necessary evil.
“Nobody really likes to think about electing a Terminator to office,” said party spokesman Burt Herald. “Still, sometimes a Terminator is the best choice. I think that here in California – or should I say, ‘Cahl-ee-FOR-nee-uh’ – we’re on the cutting edge of politics, and it just happens to be fact that a Terminator is best for the job. Sure, it was a little embarrassing when he gunned down the entire legislature last year when they didn’t agree with his budget cuts, but that was really just a bump in the road.”
The GOP in neighboring Nevada is considering running Bonnie Farlander, a T-1000 Terminator model, for state senator this year, in an attempt to unseat Democratic incumbent Harry Reid. Farlander was simply going to rend his head from his shoulders, but decided to work through the primaries after hearing that the GOP would pull her financing if she outright killed the incumbent.
Back in California, a voice vote on the endorsement was “overwhelmingly supportive of the governor,” according to Hanretty.
The proposal caused longtime GOP activists Sarah Connor and Dora Kingsley to resign their seats on the party rules committee. Apparently, they felt that making such a rule exception would result in the “loss of voter confidence” by discouraging challengers. Also, a Terminator had made attempts on both Connor’s life and her son’s, which made her less inclined to allow the robot to seek reelection.
Terminators make better politicians than humans, because not only do they legislate fairly, but when not on the job, they help keep the streets safe.
The primary result of the rule change is that it opens the floor to additional rule changes, such as allowing candidates to battle to the death in order to win votes. This was recently done with challenger Sylvester Stallone, much to the surprise of the pre-rule-change GOP. The public, however, loved it.
“I think that all gubernatorial elections should be decided in single combat,” opined California native Nancy Hannigan. “Not only is it informative and helps you decide on who you want your candidate to be, but it’s also much more interesting than anything else that’s on television, especially any of that reality-TV crap.”
If more states decide to change their election laws, we could soon seen a United States dominated by Republican Terminators, as it is unlikely that they would face any stiff competition from the much softer Democratic party. Could we one day see a Terminator president? Let’s hope so.
