In this era of rampant terrorism, people expect closer scrutiny in nearly all facets of life. Now people can't even go to the mall without facing the latest in terrorist-fighting security tools.
Neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of anal probing...
Such was the experience of one Ben Siznik, a local patriotic guy who supports his country through thick and thin. No matter what, he's prepared to give it his all for the cause. Whatever his leaders need (even if it's his last remaiing kidney), he's there. But, even for an ultra-patriot like Ben Siznik, what he was asked to do last Thursday at the local mall may have gone too far.
"I was in the mall picking up a package at the post office," explained Siznik. "Everything was going fine until the clerk noticed it was from another country...a 'foreign' country. That's when things got a little tense."
It seems Ben was unaware that foreign packages are not looked on too kindly in Binferd, Tx. As Siznik learned, anyone receiving mail from a foreign country must go through a 'postal probe' the latest in terrorist and mall security.
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"When I heard the snap of latext and saw the clerk brandishing a six-foot sigmoidoprobe-a-scope, well, I knew I wasn't leaving anytime soon."
According to one post office official, "Anyone receiving goods from outside the lower 48 are subject to security scrutiny. They might be enemies of the State, so it's something we have to look into."
Siznik says he then joked, "You mean 'enemas' of the state, right?" But the clerk wasn't laughing and the probing went ahead. Said Siznik, "Oh, they looked into things alright! They were about as gentle with my ass as they are with fragile packages. I still walk like a duck."
Siznik says he understands the need for tightened security, and hopes the probers uncover potential threats soon.
"Before I left the examination room, I dropped a little 'special delivery' package of my own in the corner. I'd like to see what they find in THAT!'
