Biz News
New Company Strives to Carve Out Market Niche
By Paul V. Cameron
Oct 9, 2007, 20:30

Uselessco President, Marvin Slimkinkovichkonaya

Keeping your share of the market place is hard enough, but it's even harder for new firms trying to carve out that first-ever share of the market. UselessCo is one such company.

Dedicated to producing products for which there is not a defined need, UselessCo burst onto the scene in late 2006.

President Marvin Slimkinkovichkonaya said that when they started out they had 0% of the market and, since then, they have managed to maintain that level against great, and often insurmountable odds.

"When you make what we make - things that no one in their right mind would buy, well, you're up against some pretty long odds for achieving any kind of success," said Slimkinkovichkonaya. "But, what we have going for us is perseverence. Plus pricing. We only need to sell a few products to set ourselves on the path to greatness. Of course, there's the rub - getting that first sale."

To date UselessCo has many products either made or in the design and development stage. "If venture capital firms knew about us," commented Slimkinkovichkonaya, "We're certain they would invest heavily in our business model and the products we've put together, some with almost no duct tape or glue -- that last part's off the record, right?"

Finding buyers for it's slate of unique, unwanted products, is perhaps UselessCo's biggest challenge. "If we don't crack the North American market, we may have to consider overseas somewhere instead, perhaps in a country full of really dumb people," offered Dana Smartkyov, VP Sales, Fencing, and Botany. "Our business model is very sound. And, while it may seem radical, and perhaps almost impossible to bring off successfully, we feel we have the people to do it. If we can't, no one can. Let me just add that we are a legitimate firm producing legitimate products for real people and those rumors about being a front for a Russian mafia cartel are wrong, wholly inaccurate, and unfair. If you don't believe us, then you must have us confused with some other Russian mafia fronting-type company with a different name like UzzLezzNiCo."

While the company's shares are mostly held by its founders, a prospectus is in development for a public offering in the near future. Some regulatory hurdles need to be overcome, but through some expert financial tried and true slight of hand, company insiders believe the share offering is very close at hand for unsuspecting investors.

In the meantime, keep your eyes open for UselessCo, one of this year's fast and upcoming new, energetic, ground-breaking firms.

These are just some of the fine products you can order from UselessCo:

Kichen sink tap cover
Door knob protector
Screen door screen cover
Radiant heat deflector
Reverse stapler
Cup holder holder
Shade reducer
Parking spot finder
Garage door closer
Pet door with keyless entry (bark, meow or combo)
Green grass grass greening spray
Portable mailbox
Stair edge detector
Submarine screen door

In the end, nothing says what this compnay is all about more than it's motto: "Making stuff you don't need, to solve problems you don't have, for a price you can't afford - UselessCo."

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