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GOP Shocked By New Gropenator Allegations
By Iracundus Humanus
Oct 17, 2003, 15:00

The Governator isn't the only one with a saucy past. ABOVE: Maria Shriver posed as the K(ennedy) of Spades during her dark college years. Lovely....

Two weeks after their landslide win in the Califonia recall vote, GOP leaders are expressing dismay over newly released allegations of sexual misconduct by Governor Elect Terminator.

In a soon-to-be-published interview in Cosmopolitan Magazine, Maria Shriver, wife of the Governor Elect, states her husband has continually fondled her since the beginning of their relationship. She goes on to state that Arnold has not only slept in the same bed as his her, but they have engaged in sexual activity on numerous occasions leading, at times, to procreation.

Party officials stated they would not issue an official statement until the article appeared in print, although one indicated that all efforts were being made to squelch its publication.

"At first, the leadership was uneasy about the initial allegations of fondling, but warmed to a concept which might endear their candidate to the overwhelmingly common Democratic male voter," said one GOP insider. "These new allegations strike fear in our hearts, as it's a complete violation of Republican Moral Principles, and could indicate that the Governor Elect may, in fact, be a closet Democrat."

If you're going to do something right, make sure you follow the instruction manual. Pictures and diagrams make all the difference.

The Republican Standard of Marital Relationships for years has been one of friendly separation. Spouses are always separated from the candidate by at least twelve inches, the occasional meal taken in the same room and public physical contact is limited to joined hands raised in victory.

Another sources states, "We find this reprehensible. It's always been our way that the "seed" be harvested by a trusted aide of the candidate/officeholder and transferred to an aide of the spouse for insemination using a sterilized turkey baster.

Neither the Governor Elect or his wife were available for comment but paparazzi claim several film canisters were confiscated by men in dark suits, sunglasses and ear buds, and contained several images of the couple locked in an "Al and Tipper Gore" type embrace.

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