Entertainment
Review: "Humongous Ta-Ta's 3"...uh..."Scary Movie 3"
By Jimmy Wellington
Nov 6, 2003, 12:33

Scary Movie 3 opens with Jenny McCarthy and Pam Anderson, who coincidentally enough shared the starring roles in my dream last night, in a room talking about a videotape that causes you to die seven days after you watch it. Sound familiar? It should; it’s a parody of the recent thriller “The Ring”.

A quick glimpse into my dream last night . God, I love my dreams...

Parody, you say? You’d think this movie was marketed as the newest Kenneth Branagh drama to read some of the criticism about this movie. Too many “booby and fart jokes”? Listen to the reaction of the audience, and let me know what you hear. Laughter? That’s right. People like low brow humor, so shut the fuck up and pass the popcorn.

Some film critics, who probably masturbate to Citizen Kane, seem to have forgotten a simple truth. Comedies don’t have to have things like plots, character development, or plausible scenarios. Their purpose in life is simple - make people laugh. Based on this simple definition of a comedy, Scary Movie 3 delivers in spades.

Anna Faris is once again the main character as reporter Cindy Cambell, combining Courtney Cox’s and Neve Cambell’s characters in Scream, which the original Scary Movie film was based on. Hmmm...thinking of Courtney and Neve “combining”....I need to take some personal time...

OK, I’m back. The Scary Movie franchise has changed from the original “make fun of horror movies” premise of the original, into a “make fun of popular movie” motif, but the mainstream audience won’t really care.

IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP - When watching a scary movie, always be prepared to block your vison with a hand, and wear all-cotton panties with white knee socks and buckle shoes. Unorthodox? Yes. Effective? Every time...

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting Scary Movie 3 in the same company as Zucker’s classic “Airplane”, or even “Airplane 2”, but I think that most comedic film-makers would be more than satisfied if 90% of an audience laughed at 75% of the jokes, as the people I saw the movie with did.

The movie had a lot of “name” actors in it, including Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards, Eddie Griffen, Queen Latifah, the funny fat black guy, Jenny McCarthy, Pamela Anderson, Simon Rex...ok, when you get to Simon Rex, you’re starting to push the envelope on “name” actors. Even with all this talent, the characters that stuck with me as I left the theater were Pamela Anderson's left and right breasts, which as I recall, were definitely ready for their (82nd) close up.

So, if you're looking for the latest Merchant Ivory film, what the hell are you even doing reading this? If you're looking to laugh until your stomach hurts, this is the film for you. And tell Pam Anderson's breasts that I said hi.


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