Health
Pets Figure In Gender Balance
By Paul V. Cameron
Oct 9, 2003, 15:34

Having suffered as the only 'xx' in a household full of 'xy's, Virginia Smart of R.I. announced she had begun the process of gender rebalancing through pets.

Above: Identities have been masked as to not incriminate the three humpers (right), the three humpees (left), and the two combo humper/humpees (center).

"I had household gender balance once before," commented Smart. "When I was a single parent there was just me and my son. But, as life things happen, you take on a partner of the opposite gender, have another kid, of the opposite gender, and before you know it - bang, it's 3 males to one female. Then we added a male dog and, zoom zoom, it's four to one. I was feeling oppressed."

So Smart took action. After their male dog passed away Smart began roaming the halls of the local Humane Society searching for gender balance options. Smart said she drew inspiration from the National Organization of Women (NOW) which apparently preaches gender balancing. NOW guided her to the female dog area, where she found "Shaggy", a female Dachsund/Retriever/something else resembling a Shitzu cross.

"I wept when I found her," said Smart, tears welling. "The thought of redressing years of gender imbalance in my own house was almost too hard to believe."

The new female member of the Smart household, renamed "Spits", preferred not to comment on the situation. However, her incessant barking, chewing of male member's shoes, and the destruction of a favorite football, spoke volumes concerning her role in the gender balancing war.

"She's with me," stated Virginia Smart, "And that's all I need to know as we fight to even things up just a little. Now if I can just add a female cat, we'll finally get back to that 50/50 male/female balance thing that every woman dreams of and yet seems so darned elusive." All we can say is, "Virginia Smart of R.I. - you go girl!"

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