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N. Korean Nuke Testing "Big Misunderstanding"
By Paul V. Cameron
Dec 11, 2007, 10:15

Dictator's Famous Christopher Walken Imitation

According to a recent news release issued by North Korean Dictator, Kim Jong Il, that country's recent attempts to test a number of missiles has been sorely misunderstood.

"What appears to be an aggressive use of test missiles," said the Release. "Is merely an act of outreach on the part of North Korea, mainly to its western Pacific neighbors, especially Japan."

While many countries, including the USA, have deplored North Korea's actions as a deliberate attempt to destabilize the region and anger the world, North Korea calls its actions 'humanitarian' in the extreme.

A North Korean Test Missile spokesperson told Glossy News Monday that, "We have for years been receiving news reports about Japan's lack of ability to defend itself against certain threats. In particular, these reports detail, usually in lengths of about an hour and-a-half (some featuring American actor Raymond Burr, RIP), how Japan seems to fall victim to terrible monsters on a regular basis."

The spokesperson went on to say, "Time and time again Japan has had to suffer the horrible actions of terrible beasts such as Godzilla and Mothra or the two fighting each other. Japan, who lost its ability to defend itself after WWII, is completely at their mercy. Its armies are no match for these beasts of destruction."

What North Korea has developed, for the benefit of Japan, according to its missile testers, is a means by which Japan could now defend itself, for a modest price.

Most Happiest Ordinance Day To You

"We have studied these monsters in detail," indicated Dictator Jong Il Kim (how his name would appear in an English phone book). "We feel that our latest missile test, the Suppositronic 9000, a high powered medical ordinance device, is just what Japan needs to defend itself against such monstrous threats."

North Korea's Suppositronic 9000 missile is, as are most missiles, cylindrical in shape, but with a noticeable slippery looking sheen on its surface.

Wreaking havoc - Can only North Korea Can Save Japan?

Explained the North Korean missile scientist, Little Kim Jong Il the 2nd, "As soon as we can locate the right entry point on Godzilla, we fire the Suppositronic 9000 (what we call 'medicinal ordinance'), where on its arrival, it inserts itself into Godzilla's nether region, delivering a critical payload." He then gestured with his hand and made a 'poofing' sound.

"We have spent years perfecting this technology and are now ready, we think, to offer it to countries like Japan (what we call 'East North Korea' on our maps) who lack the means to defend themselves appropriately against monstrous beasts," commented Little Kim Jong Il the 2nd.

Whee! It's Launch Day!

Added the Dictator himself, "It is horrible that we have been misunderstood in this way by the world. We have nothing but the highest desires to help others. We offer our medicinal ordinance, the Suppositronic 9000 missile, to everyone who can afford it who wants to defend themselves against horrible thunder beasts including countries like America who face regular assaults by people like Lex Luther."

In related news, Osama bin Laden released another video claiming that he, too, has been sorely misunderstood. Apparently, Al Qaeda, by exploding bombs and such, says the Grand Terrorist, has been performing a civic duty, one that should be recognized by the Nobel Peace Prize folks.

Said bin Laden, "We know the world hates that there are all these bombs and explodey devices. And, as we all know, the only way to get rid of them is to blow them up. So, by blowing them up, ridding the world of such terrible things, we feel we deserve the recognition of the Nobel Committee and the Peace prize. We are only undoing what Mr. Nobel got started and we know he would applaud our efforts had he not died in a horrible explosion (according to our facts)."

An official response to bin Laden's request had not been issued by the Nobel people at the time of this report. However, a Nobel staffer, one Webmaster Stig Geurngen, indicated that people who are interested in being considered for a Nobel Prize should remember that applications for Nobel prizes are on its website (in html or pdf formats) and they should go there first and apply accordingly.

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