Entertainment
Lindsey Lohan Shaves her Pussy
By Brian K. White
Jun 23, 2007, 17:05

Oh my yes, that's a bald poo-say alrighty-o. Meow mama.

With the juvenile sex-appeal of the Olsen twins waning by the minute a new teen icon for middle-aged fantasy and denial has emerged, and the young Miss Lindsey Lohan isn't missing a single opportunity. Exposure is key and the upcoming issue of informative literature known as Cosmo has an in-depth article and provocative photos of Lindsey exposing her young, smoothly shaven pussy cat.

"I'm already well into seventeen and eighteen is just around the corner," explains Lohan, "I don't have time to pussyfoot around. If I want the world to get a good look at me, and not just at my face, but really see inside me, I need to open up now, you know?"

Lohan's agent has been fielding questions all month about her acute onset case of expanding breasts, which have been spotted all over L.A. by fans and papparazi alike. Lindsey will answer the queries herself in this month's Cosmo, but her agent points out that
"puberty often hits very quickly in Hollywood", and attributes the excessive size of her second-puberty breasts to global warming and fluoridated water.

So, why show off her Brazillian-style pink kitty? As Miss Lohan explains, "The hairless kitty-cat is Dr. Evil's little buddy and people over eighteen need to understand, even on some unconscious level, that wanting to peep a pussy-cat of an underage girl is illegal and evil... unless you're Justin Timberlake or maybe Brad Pitt, but he's kinda old."

Readers disappointed by the limited Lohan exposure offered by this article are invited to shoot off a quick email to Playboy, reminding them that her legal spread could be mere months away, you know, as if it's not already on their calendar with a little box drawn around and a big red star, double underlined and filled in with yellow highlighter. Readers are likewise encouraged to search out "celebrity fakes" to fill their needs and recommends squinting; they're a lot more believable that way.

[Editorial Note: Do not click on this link, no matter what you do.]

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