Horoscopes
Total Bore-ascopes (horoscopes)
By Brian K. White
Oct 4, 2003, 09:34

We recognize that not all living people born within a certain window need the same advice and fit the same profile. At Glossy News we appreciate diversity and write our horoscopes for YOU, whomever you may be... even if we do bore your ass to tears...

Cancer: (June 22-July 22) - This week, ah yes, this week, you know all about it, don’t you.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) - A thing will happen in a place with a person.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - Take action, don’t, or find a nice middle ground.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) - You will have thoughts that you should seriously consider this week.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) - People, place and things. These are more than just nouns for you.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Things will change. Maybe big things, maybe small, the heavens just aren't in a position to say.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Your dependence on vague and obscure advice will have no affect on you.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - If you think you might know at least part of the answer, you could be partially right.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) - You? For you the stars offer no advice.

Aries: (March 21-April 19) - If you search for answers you may find them. If not, eh, who cares, right? I mean really.

Taurus: (April. 20-May 20) - Over your morning coffee you will discover the meaning of life only to be mildly disappointed and promptly dismiss it.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21) - A nice meal may help you appreciate a nice meal. Probably not though.