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Special Halloween Costume Report (Part-6)
By Brian K. White
Oct 31, 2007, 19:00

With Halloween looming ever closer, it's come to our attention that you may still be looking for your own costume to celebrate the occasion. For anyone still in doubt, Glossy News has begun it's massive exposé on all the most progressive costumes coming forth this season. This is merely day-one of our in-depth study into up and coming Halloween costumes.

Riddle-me Bruce
Are you effeminate, questionable, ambiguous or outright gay? Nothing says "one foot in the closet" like the Riddle Me Bruce costume new for 2004. Flop your wrists, sing show tunes, talk football and wear high fashion. Girls will still hit on you but so will dudes.

The Riddle Me Bruce costume comes complete with everything you see here plus a poetry cheat sheet and a stock response pamphlet filed with ambiguously gay comments sure to keep even lifelong friends guessing whether you Dukakis or Bush.

If you're still testing the waters of homosexuality, nothing acts as a social barometer like this. Condoms sold separately.






Toilet Seat
It you're one of those whack-jobs who videotapes under skirts going up a flight of stairs or takes pictures of drunk girls passed out wetting themselves at a party, this costume is for you.

Clearly nut jobs like you aren't interested in winning any competitions of social acceptance, so forego your notions of winning first prize in the costume contest. It's just a popularity contest anyhow. Your prize is one more grand to you anyhow. You'll get drunken urination and defecation all over your lap anyhow, and all you have to do is practice your simulated flushing noises.

By the way, dig this and you're a total weirdo. Just so you know.


Madame Storm Trooper
The Star Wars quintology only showed the combatants of the Empire engaged in overt activities. The often overlooked role of spy need not be forgotten. How better to extract critical information from the Wiley rebel forces than by sway of the sexual act?

The lack of dark Jedi's and the mediocre success of torture led invariably to the founding of the Madame Storm Trooper squadron. This costume will pay tribute to that powerful arm of the empire while winning favor and respect from any rebels you may meet on Halloween. No other costume says you're powerful, elite, critical to galactic domination, trained in the sexual arts and groomed for pleasure quite like it.

Be sure to come back tomorrow to read about more of the latest costume trends. You've got questions and we've got filler.

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