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Special Halloween Costume Report - Part 4
By Brian K. White
Oct 28, 2007, 10:50

With Halloween closing in tomorrow, you may still be looking for a costume to celebrate the occasion. If you're still in doubt, Glossy News' exposé on all the most progressive costumes coming forth this season is just your ticket.

Glass-eyed Pirate
Pirates have long held a negative reputation as eye-patch wearing, hook-handed marauders of the high seas. Midgets have successfully lobbied to change their hysterical, porn-friendly stereotype. Pirates have done the same and it's time to dress up in kind.

Forget eye patches and hooks, today's pirates have glass eyes and high quality prosthesis to replace their absent limbs.

If you're a booty-starved pirate of the modern era, this costume is not to be missed. "Shiver me timbers" can now be rightfully replaced with "chilly be me poly-carbon composites".




Polarized Bear
Bears have always been a favorite among junior chitlin's, but what kind of bear should you be? Teddy bears are almost a hundred years old, Pooh bears are a good fifty years old and the savage killing Kodiak's win no favor. So what's left?

There's two kinds of polar bears. There's the dirty sort exploited by Coca Cola, run basically into the ground by television ads. Then there's the other kind.

The negative polarity bear is the fastest growing costume among Halloween goers. Its not so complicated, it's just an adorable bear with negative color and luminosity polarity. Those wishing to unravel the stereotypes associated with 1200 pound killers finally have a choice in the matter. Invert the stereotypes, invert the image, invert the entire bear. What you get is a negative polarity bear devoid of badness and loaded with complete goodness.



Maxi Taxi
Nobody can take you where you're going like a taxi driver, but baby, if you're going to drive my car, you'll need a command of the local attractions no Arabian dude has onboard.

As a cabby, rest assured that once in the costume is on and you're on the job as a professional girl, the meter is running and only your skills in pacifying and pleasing the tourists will keep your baby in diapers.

Do you take Visa, AmEx and Discover? Do you offer cash, corporate or Military discounts? Don't let Halloween pass you by as the cash cow you may be with plausible deniability (of the crotch variety).

Costume includes all clothing pictured here, plus a bottle of "beach blonde" hair dye, a bottle of crab lice lotion, and three non-payment shivs.

Be sure to come back tomorrow to read the last installment in costume trends. If you missed past days Halloween costume specials, be sure to check them out.

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