Entertainment
Man Realizes Favorite Music Now Oldies
By Brian K. White
Apr 22, 2004, 02:31

Back in the day he was quite the man... what went wrong?

Portland, Oregon - Steve Harris who has loved grunge music since Nirvana exploded on the alternative music scene in the early 90's was saddened this week when he realized his favorite genre has passed from hip to oldies without so much as a stop for gas in the lands of passe or neutral.

"I've been listening to the same station since I was in high school and never really noticed they'd stopped playing new music after Kurt [Cobain} killed himself. I just figured it was like a really long tribute weekend, not the end of an era," he explained.

Steve, who still wears layers of tattered flannel and hasn't had a date since 1998, only got his first sign of this long established axiom a few months ago when he realized none of the current DJs on his favorite station were old enough to even attend a Nirvana concert, "and there were some really young kids there."

Now his friends are gone and all that's left is creative shaving by himself on Friday nights.

The next wakeup call was when he was talking about favorite music with a coworker who responded by saying, "Oh, the old stuff." Steve was shocked, "when he said 'old' it was like he said it with ten 'O's. I said it's not like I'm into retro stuff like Timbuk 3 and he just stared at me. It was really freaky."

Steve decided to do some research and found that all of his "most hella killer bands," including Jane's Addiction, 700 Miles, Blind Melon, Sublime, Grunt Truck, and Alice in Chains had all broken up over a decade ago.

Steve has applied to be a guest on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in hopes of updating his fashion-crippled appearance, but for what lies inside him it seems there may be no help.

Like many of his favorite cultural icons, he is considering heroin addiction, overdose, suicide or drug-addicted overdose related suicide. Friends and family are supportive of his decision but suggest he might feel differently if he'd bathe.

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