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Solving Global Warming Requires Effort of Mythological Proportion - Literally
By Paul V. Cameron
Mar 3, 2008, 04:37

As if captured in some wicked, morose caricature, this morose caricature has been taken from another site of that wickedly triple-faced impotent-ass-clown Pelosi. Oh Nancy, how you disgrace women the world over, and Dems in our pretty-good nation as a whole... it used to be a "great" nation, but the exchange rate is down a tad.

"What we are seeking to do is to pull out some stuff from mythology that we know has had an impact on the weather," said Smythe-B. "One of those we are particularly keen on is Pecos Bill."

In New York, NY this week it became painfully evident that global warming is wreaking havoc on the local economy and zeitgeist.

"Hot one week, supremely cold the next," commented city mayor Michael Bloomberg. "It's crazy. The weather seems to fluctuate at will as if some unseen hand is manipulating it."

According to the University of Ham-on-Rye's Climate and Stuff Institute (CSI) in Tether Ball, England, Bill Smythe-Barrington, Ph.D., "The New York mayor may be right to a certain extent. There does seem to be an unseen hand at work and we think the main culprit is jet streams. We have noticed that much weather is affected by the flow and position of jet streams. These jet streams seem to shift without warning changing the weather around them - some for the worst, some for the better. Global warming makes them more erratic according to our models."

To many, this explains why winter came so late to the eastern and north eastern seaboard of North America and why they enjoyed spring-like weather for so long. "The impact on the psyche is quite marked," offered Smythe-B. "People seemed a lot happier in New York City, for example, than one would expect during the traditional winter period. For instance, some New Yorkians would even nod or mumble a guarded hello at strangers as they passed them on the street. All without demanding money or carrying out an impromptu burglary. These are positive global warming events. One's Al Gore chooses to ignore. It's a form of inconvenient truth for Al."

In other locales, the weather couldn't be worse. Severe storms and drought in Europe, lingering supreme cold in Western Canada, wet weather during monsoon season in the south Pacific. Messed up stuff for sure, but the kind of stuff those at CSI like to get into.

"We study jet streams here," said Smythe-B. "In our patented weathererium we reconstruct weather patterns and then fire jet streams through them. We can manipulate them gently or in wild extremes. The jet streams get so confused they don't know what's going on. What our work proves is that jet streams, though unseen, are important to weather and, of course, vice versa."

What Smythe-Barrington and his fellow researchers are concerned about is that while they can push jet streams wherever they want in labs, in real life, in the outside world, it isn't this easy.

"What we are seeking to do is to pull out some stuff from mythology that we know has had an impact on the weather," said Smythe-B. "One of those we are particularly keen on is Pecos Bill."

According to legend, Pecos Bill rode and could tame tornadoes. He'd ride them off into the sunset until they settled.

Using specially trained channelers, the folks at CSI hope to lure Pecos Bill out into the open and convince him to start riding herd on jet streams. "Getting them back to some sort of structure," said Smythe-B. "Maybe still unseen, but manageable."

"We know Pecos had success at this," said Smythe-B. "At least legend says so. If we can get Pecos on side then we know we have a chance of having an impactful impact on the weather by having Pecos hop on and bring them under his control. And, thereby, bring our weather under some measure of control. Get things back to normal, so to speak."

CSI folks hope that maybe Pecos Bill settled down and had a bunch of little Pecos Bills. The more tornado riders, and in this case, jet stream riders there are the better they say.

According to CSI experts, the inconvenient truth about Al Gore's approach is he's just scaring everyone hoping for action. Said one CSI Fellow, "Just think what kind of president he would have been. Probably power pointing his brains out on everything from budget deficits to bill passage reform. I mean that's scary and we should probably consider that when we criticize G. Dubya. In any event, our Pecos Bill strategy is groundbreaking. Never been tried, as it were. We feel it represents the kind of change we hope to bring, thereby reducing global warming and, hopefully, the number of Al Gore power point presentations. A not insubstantial side benefit."

Will their Pecos Bill strategy bear fruit? At the University of Ham-on-Rye Climate and Stuff Institute (CSI) only time, some luck, the guarded support of a New York city mayor, and the appearance of Pecos Bill and family will tell. In the mean time, the CSI folks advise that, due to the amount of hot air generated, maybe people should try and avoid Al Gore power point presentations whenever possible.

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