Biz News
86.3% of All Statistics Fabricated
By Brian K. White
Jan 30, 2007, 17:15

Not sure where this image came from but it's pure genius and fits the story... mmmm, lips...

In a recent survey of 986.2 people from random cities it was revealed that nearly 7/8ths of all statistics throughout the Internet are made up on-the-spot to satisfy deadlines with greatest ease.

63.5% of experts surveyed concurred that many sites used made-up statistics. 42% of those surveyed answered "many, many" and that a full third not only use "estimates" or even "guess-timates" but rather "butt-facts", better known to the layperson as statistics "pulled straight from one's ass."

James Torgeson from an industry-leading research firm reported, "Butt-facts are a growing concern among analysts. Most of them have a margin of error from 50% to 100% and almost none of them can be believed, usually."

81% of readers indicated that they aren't concerned about the accuracy of published statistics while 19% showed side effects comparable to those of placebo groups.

Jimmy Wellington from The Fake News said that butt-facts are beneficial because "they always support your claim." E.F. Watley from Watley Review took a more conservative stance offering only that "this sort of language involving one's bottom is not appropriate and [he is] 91% offended by it." John from On the John News did not share this belief but rather pointed to his logo where a head can be seen emerging from a toilet. Butt fact or butt fiction, you decide.

Butt-fact statistics have risen fully by 90% since 1999 and unfortunately our preliminary studies indicate this article will only be believed by four out of every hundred readers. While these figures may not directly impact your daily life it is 50-100% likely that I am sober and 0-50% likely that I care what you think.*

* All statistics listed above have a 49.9% to 100% margin for error.**
** Above footnote has a 0.1% margin for error.***
*** All above statistics and footnotes are further believed to be incorrect.

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