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Ex's "Keeping My Shit" All the Rage in Seattle
By Brian K. White
May 12, 2004, 06:08

Photo-cropping was going on LONG before Photoshop came on the scene. Just be glad she didn't decide to cut your nuts off and keep them, too.

Keagan McCulley is a Washington State native keenly aware of all the trends that have gone through the region, from grunge to the dot-com boom and bust. Even the latest epidemic to surface is nothing new to him. When it comes to exes keeping his stuff following a breakup, no matter how civil, he's a seasoned pro.

"In high school it was just jackets and CDs so, while frustrating, it hasn't really been harmful. I'm pushing 30 though and it's really killing me now." From live-in girlfriend Teri who cleaned him out upon breakup all the way down to the Windex and many items that belonged to the landlord to a laundry list of vindictive exes who've kept cars, a house, and entire sets of furniture.

"The stuff is annoying but it hasn't been as bad as all the other intangibles that are harder to replace," explains Keagan. "Chrissy took my job; Amanda kept the church; Elena took my credit; Anna kept my paychecks; Natalie got my passport revoked, and Shelly took my freedom with that whole jail thing."

Yeah, suddenly it's over, and she'll take the freakin' bench, too.

The latest ex was a girl who "rocked his ass good" behind her real boyfriend's back then illegally seized his possessions while he was on vacation and is now demanding ransom. However he was prepared due to this long-standing trend of his stuff being seized most of the goods were only his on loan from other people. "Too bad, my stuff now," she reported through a mutual friend. Despite this loss of stuff as well as the subsequent trust and friendships of those who'd loaned him the items, he's keeping his chin held high as if poised for the next blow.

Trust us, dudes; get all you can, while you can, 'cause it'll all be gone in the flash of a heaving cleavage.

Reduced from luxurious homes to a low-rent apartment and eye-catching sports cars to a tacky 1987 Mitsubishi Tredia that stalls at stop signs and smokes on acceleration Keagan is confident he has little more to lose to the wrath of comely ex-girlfriends. "Hey, I've got a little bit of my health left and my severely hobbled Pentium 486, all stuff that can be easily replaced should a future ex decide it was hers all along and she's entitled to take it with her."

Sources close to Mr. McCulley report he's also hoarding an undisclosed stash of couch change, pirated pornography, and used CDs, all of which he'll keep secret from anyone he dates.

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