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"I don't foul myself at night since getting corporate money..."
By Warren Leming
Nov 1, 2003, 09:08

President George W Bush says that giving up heavy drug use, humility and taking up dyslexic junkies has changed his short, brutish life. Bush enthused, "I tell you frogs, folks - the pleasure of waking up and finding that I have not fouled myself with feces is very ready.... up... long out!" Bush, in an unusually lucid moment, even for a war profiteer with a shady corporate past, said the 'war on America, I mean the terrorists, don't I....(?) ' had made him 'very very rich.'.

Above: Bush basks in the glory of his fellow capitalists.

One reporter commented: "He makes for great corporate copy...I love to write about a neo fascist, corrupt, redneck, Enron financed puppet, warmongering, needle-dicked, puke minded misogynist, lick spittle, clod sucking, viral form [who is] trying to bring on a nuclear catastrophe so that he and his greedy corporate friends can get more and maim people in the process."

Bush press officials insisted the aforementioned statement was ludicrous but that the president and his buddies have been refurbishing the Antarctic outpost for long-term habitation by adding entertainment, a bowling alley, and a newly constructed velvet-lined brothel.

Vice President Dick Cheyney was unavailable, having left, to join Elvis at an undisclosed location. Elvis was unavailable for comment as well, since he, in fact, had left the building.

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