Entertainment
Bassist Entwistle Died From Simultanious Blows
By Johnny Dupe
Oct 1, 2003, 07:40

Los Angeles County Coroner Robert Sanders has disclosed that the cause of death for the Who's legendary bass player, John Entwistle, was ruled "death due to two simultaneous fatal blows. Put simply, too much blow." However, murder has been ruled out.

It's only teenage wasteland. Entwistle, like dead rockers before him, proves too much blow will kill you.

"The first blow came from a $500 hooker," said Sanders. "The second blow came when Mr. Entwistle sniffed a line of coke. This proved to be a deadly combination for a man of Entwistle's age and poor health. He experienced heart failure and died."

Bandmate Pete Townshend said John died the way every red-blooded male would want to die.

"He had a naked woman with a lip-lock on his schlong and a head full of Grade A blow. You know, that isn't too bad of a deal."

When asked about his own death, Townshend went into massive detail.

Townsend: "Dear God, please don't let David Cassidy die when I do. Take him now."

"I'd like to confuse the public when I die", he said. "You know, do something really odd like take a blender and put it in front of me, have a photo of Margaret Thatcher sitting next to it, a bottle of personal lubricant in my hand, a suicide note saying "Ben and Jerry are Nazi Pigs", and a Spongepants Bob CD playing. That would fuck everyone up for years."

"I hope my death doesn't coincide with another celebrity's. That really mucks things up. You know, like Johnny Cash...he goes and then John Ritter croaks. It just isn't right to watch CNN and hear 'I Walk The Line' and two minutes later 'Come And Knock On Our Door'. Blimey!"

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