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Blaine Gets Whiff of British Cuisine, Vows to Starve To Death
By David Cumti
Oct 20, 2003, 10:16

Are you kidding me? This smells worse than me! ABOVE: A disoriented Blaine realizes the only thing to eat is a leftover kidney pie.

Facing the daunting idea of having to break his 44-day starvation stunt by feasting on British food, illusionist David Blaine willfully retreated back to his Plexiglas box for another 44 days.

Blaine, who emerged from his suspended enclosure Sunday in London, immediately took a deep breath then recoiled from the wafting odors of British cuisine. Scribbling on a notepad from inside the see-through box, he composed a short message:

“Despite the fact that I'm starving and need a shower very badly, I’d prefer to wait another few weeks before I attempt to eat any local food,” his note said. “Attempting to eat anything from this God forsaken country may literally kill me.”

Blaine’s decision to undergo another 44 days inside the 7'x 7' x 3' foot box most likely stems from his new fear of Londoners and anything British, a Blaine spokesperson said. Onlookers during the first week of his stunt pelted the box with eggs and taunted him constantly, which may have created Blaine’s apparent new phobia of the locals.

Marcia Ellsworth, a professor at the Institute of Human Nutrition at the University of Southampton, theorized that Blaine might be delirious and not acting logically.

“The man has been living off of water for the past 44 days,” she said. “I can’t see how some fish and chips or a little chicken pot pie could be that bad. This latest move might be a cry for help.”

Not taking a dump for 44 days can cause a complete shutdown of bowel movement. Consult a professional to get your Stool Express back on schedule.

Other theories as to Blaine’s choice to remain in the box revolve around the political developments of the last few weeks. UK Guardian columnist Nigel Wellington wrote in his last column that Blaine timed his stunt to take the pressure off of Prime Minister Tony Blair for the faulty intelligence that led Britain to support the ousting of Saddam Hussein. Wellington claims that with the similarity in names between David “Blaine” and Tony “Blair”, the magician may be able to pull all negative attention away from the Prime Minister and refocus it on himself.

Despite being ridiculed by most of the world, Blaine has been praised by several groups. Food Addicts Anonymous, a pro-anorexia organization, has named Blaine as their spokesmodel. The group admired Blaine’s courage to lose weight and his amazing willpower to go without food.

Blaine is also being pursued by Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers for endorsement contracts, according to the Associated Press. Several “before-and-after” photographs detail an amazing 56-pound loss in 44 days.

After the next 44 days without food, Blaine representatives say he'll compete on NBC’s “Fear Factor”, which features contestants who subject themselves to disgusting and embarrassing acts for a chance at winning $50,000. Blaine claims that after a total of 88 days of starvation, he should be hungry enough to easily defeat other contestants during the show’s section where they must eat such exoctic items as fresh snot, ground turtle shit or Anna Nicole Smith.


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