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Survey Finds 72% Think "Al Qaeda" is a Euphemism
By Brian K. White
Sep 8, 2004, 15:14

Who is Bush's right hand man? Who cares, let's monkey with the terror alert level.

The White House recently upgraded the national terror alert from one meaningless and ambiguous color to the next. Many of America's elderly have embraced the terror while most citizens are just confused or indifferent. Pollsters found that most Americans no longer believe Al Qaeda is an actual organization but rather a euphemism for terror propaganda.

Marsha Kirchoff, a teacher in Madison, Wisconsin says, "I knew the terror alert was raised because of something related to Al Qaeda and I took seriously, but I figured 'Al Qaeda' was just euphemism for 'be scared.'" She also said, "You know this is Madison, right? Doesn't the Onion get mad you guys playing 'Daily Show' in their backyard?"

"We are working nonstop to destroy the Al Qaeda threat to our great, Allah fearing nation."

Adam Keaton of North Gotham, Michigan, says, "I hear the terror alerts but I didn't realize Al Qaeda was still around. I thought Al Qaeda was just a metaphor for 'Democratic National Convention' since, you know, the Al Qaeda alert's only take place when [Democrats] get more press attention [than Republicans]."

Telephone surveys revealed that most Americans believe Al Qaeda is doubletalk for "alarm", "slight of hand", "terrorus ignoramus", and "I told you, I'm on the damn 'Do Not Call' list!"

White House representatives would not comment on specific threat nor Al Qaeda details, but warned that "All citizens should be cautious, aware, and vote for Bush in November or else very bad things will happen and the nation may implode."

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