Biz News
Advertising Gone Too Far
By Daniel H. Blazejewski
Feb 22, 2005, 06:42

I'm sure that his parents are proud.

Yesterday, an Omaha, Nebraska man, web-page designer Andrew Fischer, 20, auctioned off his forehead for $37,375 to be used as advertising space for one month by the anti-snoring remedy SnoreStop. “I look forward to an enjoyable association with Andrew – a man who clearly has a head for business in every sense of the word,” SnoreStop CEO Christian de Rivel said.

“People will always comment on something out of the ordinary,” Fischer said in his sale pitch to potential advertisers. “People like weird.” But there were limits. Fischer reportedly refused from the outset to advertise any message or product deemed “tastless or unacceptable in traditional advertising formats.”

But many people do not have such restrictions placed on their bodies.

Other people aren’t quite as discerning. Ted Young, a carpenter from Biloxi, Mississippi, sold his forehead as advertising space to the local Hooters, which quickly branded his body with their logo. Barney Neumann, a jackhammer operator from St. Louis, Missouri, reportedly sold his ample belly to Steve’s Dildo Factory for three months and $100,000.

Where will this advertising madness end? You should see what it says when she takes off her top!

Everywhere, people are getting into the act. Charles Hamburg, a software engineer from Dallas, Texas, is going to spend the next month with the Kotex Tampon logo emblazoned boldly across his back, for a reported sum of $48, 998.

Full-body advertising has arrived. Martha Zeuber of Cincinnati, Ohio, will be painted to resemble a Ford Mustang for the next six months, while Adrian Boppa, of San Diego, California, will be advertising the San Diego Zoo’s Panda Exhibit by being painted as a panda for the next two months, for a reported sum of $75,000.

In a startling turn of events, the well known promiscuous skank Helen Bederman of Arizona State University has sold her clitoris as “targeted” advertising space. “Not just anybody gets to read the message,” she told Glossy News, before adding, “well, that’s not really true, now, is it. Pretty much anyone can read it any time they want, which is why it was such a hot commodity for Simmons mattresses to pay for. They paid good money, too. I made more in one night than I usually make in one night – and that’s quite a bit, let me tell you.”

Advertising executive Marshall Stevens gloated, “This new realm of advertising space was entirely my idea. Oh, sure, that dolt in Nebraska actually did it first, but the idea was mine, and is on its way to being patented. If I can get people to do full-body temporary advertising, just think about what it’ll be like when I can get people to do full-body permanent advertising – a tattoo that never comes off, that will, now and forever, boldly advertise 7-UP, or maybe Levitra, or possibly even Vagisil! Wouldn’t that be marvelous?”

Mom's New England Apple Pie Company decided to use this curvaceous young blonde to promote their latest delicacy.

Psychologists across the nation are standing up and speaking out against body advertising. “I think this practice is abhorrent,” said Dr. Wendy McMahon of Santa Barbara, California. “It’s basically prostitution, but instead of sex, they sell their bodies for advertising space. I think it would be healthier to see them selling their bodies for sex, personally. Really, if they start in on ‘respecting their bodies’ by selling them for advertising space, where am I going to get the gigolos that I need to satisfy me because I can’t find a man? Perhaps I’ve said too much.”

Stephanie Lerner of New York, New York, a noted underwear model, recently sold her ass for advertising space. “It’s taut, it’s round, it’s perfectly shaped to advertise our product,” said CEO Laurence Honey of Mom’s New England Apple Pie Co. “With an ass like that, how can you lose?”

© Copyright 2002-2004 by GlossyNews.com