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Confused Howard Dean Campaigns for Enola Gay Rights
By David Cumti
Nov 7, 2003, 08:40

Democratic presidential frontrunner Howard Dean pledged to protect Enola Gay rights during an emotional speech in San Francisco Thursday.

Gay or straight, wearing protection before dropping your payload is always recommended.

Dean apparently confused the Enola Gay, the B-29 bomber that dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, with the term “gay”, or homosexual. The Enola Gay has recently been a controversial topic during its display at the Smithsonian in Washington, DC.

“I want to make sure that everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, has equal rights and opportunities,” said Dean in an interview after his speech. “Enola Gay was a pioneer in earlier times of intolerance and bigotry.”

Dean critics see his speech as a pathetic attempt to find a link to the voters of San Francisco, a city with a high gay population. This verbal fiasco will result in his decline in the California polls, according to Scott Hadley, a longtime resident of San Francisco’s Noe Valley area.

“At first I thought he was cute,” Hadley said. “Now I see that Howard Dean is just another moron. But I still think he’s cute.”

In his speech, Dean outlined his idea of a national “Enola Gay Pride Parade”, possibly petitioning the day as a national holiday.

This is not the first time Dean has misspoken in front of an audience. Last week he described himself as a “metrosexual”, then retracted his statement, claiming that he did not know what the word meant. His denial of being a “metrosexual”, which refers to a heterosexual man in touch with his feminine side, had people questioning his sexual preference. Yesterday’s speech and confusion of a World War II airplane with homosexuals did nothing to clarify his sexuality, but instead merely confirmed his complete ignorance of history and popular culture.

Joe Trippi, Dean’s campaign manager, quickly led him to VCR-equipped television after the speech. Dean was forced to watch a six-hour Time Life Movie series of World War II, no doubt to educate him on high school level history on the Enola Gay and atomic weapons.

Dean, emerging from the session that evening, said, "Well, obviously the Enola Gay wasn't gay, just an airplane. But, still, that long fuselage, all those silk scarf, leather-wearing fly-boys, 'cock'-pit?? Oh, sure...don't ask, don't tell, right?"

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