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CNN Guilty of Plagiary; Omits Midget Porn
By Mark Fisher
Jul 8, 2003, 07:16

On July 3, 2003, CNN ran an article in direct parody to one published by Glossy News on June 5, 2003. The article, entitled “Solar system similar to ours discovered” attempted to spoof the original satire story, “Solar system much like ours; may contain similar assholes”.

This was CNN’s first attempt at satire news, and may well be the last. Not only was their article lacking in any humorous material, but a preliminary examination revealed that sources used in researching the story were legitimate.

(Above) CNN's Science & Space report on "similar universe" tears the humor in Glossy News' original "similar assholes" to shreds with its use of research, fact and integrity. (Below) The original article as it appeared 1 month ago in Glossy News.

“What kind of mockery is this?” proclaimed Glossy News Sr. Editor Brian White. “Don’t these idiots understand that a legitimate news site with real reporters parodying a quasi-real site with quasi-real reporters could unravel the very thread of the universe?”

White, visibly shaken by the event, refused further comment, adding only, “Where them whores at, Mark? I told you not to come back without girls.”

A team of lampoon writers analyzed the CNN article on Monday, seeking out possible satiric undertones, indirect reference to absurd situations or even a blatant pun. However, nothing even remotely resembling humor in the story was found. Computer analysis of the article, with specific search codes for key words “porn”, “midgets”, “midget porn” and “Britney Spears” also produced no results.

“The phrase ‘gas giant’ was used twice,” said one satirist. “We don’t know if it was meant to be funny. A few of us are going to smoke a big fatty tonight and say ’gas giant’ to each other. Could be something there.”

Rudager P. Marshall, who originally reported on the possibility of another universe containing assholes similar to the ones found here, commented briefly on CNN’s feeble attempt at parody plagiarism.

“For Chrissake, I made the whole thing up. What planet are these assholes from?”