You know those rippling specimens of spectacular power you see flexing in the gym mirror, exceptional, chiseled, and about six and a half feet tall? Well, today we're talking about the other guys, the ones who want to be that guy but just weren't built quite to the same specs.
Before I allow my digression to take control or my own insecurities overwhelm me, let's change the subject to sport bikes and introduce James from Running Wolf Imports. James admires the machismo of the 160 mph race bikes but spends his days helping the two-wheeled underdogs strut their pint-sized stuff. Enter the pocket bike.
It's as lean a machine as the enthusiasts dare pursue weighing in under 40-pounds with a stance well under 2-feet. Is it just the yapping Chihuahua that chased Spike around hoping for a glimpse of respect? Or, does this lesser cousin of the crotch rocket really have something to prove?
While experts insist they aren't experts and critics offer only the obvious, "It's so small," the answers are enough to make any short man puff out his chest and wiggle up to his tippy-toes. Not all men under 5'5" have a chip on their shoulder because not all short men are created equal; the same is true of pocket bikes, says our expert du jour James. "There are over 30 manufacturers of pocket bikes and some of them really aren't very good."
James has been selling pocket bikes since about the first time they hit the U.S. scene some years back. "What's more important than picking the right bike is picking the right dealer." James continued, "Some of the biggest dealers in the country don't carry a single replacement part. They might give you a series of phone numbers to call that may be disconnected or to companies that don't know what you're calling about." When asked if these vendors suffer from short-dealers syndrome he just laughed and pointed out that my comment made no sense. Once again, he was right.
"You wouldn't buy a new car from someone who isn't a legitimate dealer and you wouldn't buy a car that doesn't have replacement parts yet, in pocket bikes people do just that." James makes this claim easily, being one of the few dealers nationwide to carry a large selection of bona fide replacement parts in addition to actually understanding the product he sells.
Sure, size matters, but don't think it's gonna stop you from getting all the honey's.
But, being a short man is more than a matter of height, it's the braggery of ability to kick anyone's ass, lift anything in (or as) a single jerk, or punch a hole in any given wall even (if not especially) those made of cinder blocks. That's where the otherwise throaty bikes fall short and their promoters climb into preposterous soapboxes of propaganda. James gave a shrug and quiet smile as he explained that "There are guys selling 39.6cc bikes claiming they are the 'new 49 cc motor' and claiming they'll do 40 or 50 mph. Buy it if you don't believe me, they top out at about 30 mph."
Purveyors of short bikes warn against believing these outlandish claims, especially if they're coming from "some dude selling bikes [rather than a dealer]. And, as far as having something to prove, well, show me a 220-pound guy ride and zip up to 25-30 mph on a pocket bike and I'll show you a guy who couldn't do the same thing on his Saint Bernard. Then you tell me which one will get you more lady attention at the park and I'll show you the (same) one that will never take a dump on your neighbor's lawn.
So, in conclusion I must profess that as a sport-bike enthusiast and rider from age five, I'd love to have one of these for my own and to share with my own young sons. Sadly, as a writer, this is just a pocket-bike dream. So, only time will tell and all it will tell is "Nope, can't have one." Alas, should I could, I would from Running Wolf Imports.
