Stonecastle, Ohio- Saying that he became a slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the drug.
"These little blue diamonds are playing havoc with my thoughts" said Mr. Wills, a creamatory operator. "As I have got older, my wife is complaining about me and our personal sex things, so I saw my doc and he gave me this prescription for Viagra 100mg. Well, I have to admit they do work the way the instruction video says that's for sure. Wow, is she happy."
So why the lawsuit? "Well," continued Wills, "you see it's this way. I take a pill about 5 in the morning. The wife likes to start her day with ... well, you know ... a little fun. Then, about 7 or so, I go to work. It's a 25-minute drive on a good day. And I have begun to have these kinda hot, day-dreaming periods as I am driving. Twice already I have almost hit a tree; and once I just about ran into a semi full of chickens."
"You see I am actually thinking about the great sex I have just had and now I can't even focus on driving," Wills continued. "This drug is taking my thinking abilities away from me and I am sure I am going to die. At least."
Asked if he was also having problems driving with such a drug-induced obstruction, he replied, "Oh yea, I almost forgot about that part. I can't seem to turn corners very well, and sometimes I can't shift into reverse either."
"Once I get to work, I have to be real careful for several hours," related Mr. Wills, "it is almost noon sometimes before the drug wears off and I can even walk around, let alone start thinking about my job without showing a red face. The boss's wife looks real suspicious at me some days, like I have a disease or something."
"So my attorney brother-in-law says that I should be able to get some relief, that's his word, about this situation. At least that's what he thinks, and I agree with him," said Wills. "Why shouldn't they pay something. That's what I think too."
No one was available at Pfizer, Inc. for comment at this time.
