Above - This photo represents the time Sesame Street was spotted with Osama. This matter is specifically the opposite.
Terrorist “mastermind” and all-around douchebag Osama bin Laden was spotted yesterday at the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, California. Seemingly unfazed by the attention he was drawing, Osama rode every ride in Fantasyland, including King Arthur’s Carousel and Snow White’s Scary Adventure. He spent most of his day in Fantasy Land, with quick side-trips to Toontown in an apparent attempt to get Mickey Mouse to sign the back of his hand.
After his fill of Fantasyland and Toontown, Osama was observed to ride the It’s a Small World ride three times in a row, clapping and singing along with the dancing dolls. Asked one bystander, “Is that Michael Jackson?”
Osama then went to Adventureland and New Orleans Square, taking time along the way to ride The Jungle Cruise, The Indiana Jones Adventure and even a stop at The Enchanted Tiki Room. He rode what was apparently his favorite ride, Pirates of the Caribbean a grand total of eight consecutive times, singing along throughout the ride. He ended his day at Disneyland with a trip down Splash Mountain where he laughed and clapped his hands together as his robes were soaked.
“That guy’s like, a total dick,” observed one castmember who happened to be dressed up as Winnie the Pooh at the time. “He keeps hogging all of the rides so the little kids can’t ride them. Aren’t we supposed to like, I dunno, arrest him or something?”
Indeed – but Osama was protected under the Sweepstakes Clause of the U.S. Constitution, which states that anyone wanted for a crime may not be arrested, under any circumstances, while they are enjoying their sweepstakes winnings. Osama, it turns out, had won a trip to the Resort from Abdul’s Camel Emporium and Dynamite Factory in Baghdad, Iraq. As much as they wanted to, U.S. security forces had their hands tied behind their backs and were forced to sit and watch him enjoy himself all day before he boarded a plane back to “parts unknown.”
bin Laden spent some time at Disney’s California Adventure, taking in the sights and sounds and reveling in the pure Californianess of it all, but commented sourly, “I cannot believe that Disney wasted all that money to put together this crappy theme park. The only rides they have are thrill rides, and I’m not one for big thrills. I like the ease and calm of Fantasyland any day over this crap. I mean, who need to be accelerated from a sitting position to 55 miles per hour in five seconds on some steel roller coaster? Not me! That’s too much excitement for old Osama.”
He returned to Disneyland where he chased down a castmember dressed as Ariel the Mermaid and insisted that someone take his picture with her. “To hell with burkas! Give me a fish-chick with nice tits any day,” exclaimed an elated Osama. He then took his autograph book and ran back to Adventureland to where “Princess Jasmine” was signing autographs and taking pictures. “Now this is some Arab ass I could totally get down with,” beamed bin Laden.
The day concluded with a fireworks display that “rivaled the greatest car bombings that [Osama had] ever seen.” Said bin Laden, “This was better than watching Fallujah through night vision goggles! Boy, does Disney know how to put on a show.” He then boarded a chartered plane for the Tora Bora region of Afghanistan, and left his troubles behind, at the Southern California Disneyland Resort.
