Maybe if we all pray really, really, REALLY hard, it will come true...
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Diagnosed with SICD, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been checked into the Guccioni Medical Center for close observation and possible exploitation.
Dr. Flynt, of the eating disorder unit, explains the Olsen's illness.
"SICD, or Sappho-Incestual Compulsive Disorder, is extremely rare. But, it is also extremely hot. Believe me when I say we are videotaping their behavior, from multiple angles, so that we can decide best how to proceed."
"Of course, SICD is not unexpected in a pair who have been so close, living and working together from an early age. It is possible they spent most of their time in utero 'soixante-neuf,' if you'll pardon my French. Perhaps they got a 'taste' for it then, if you'll also pardon my pun."
Just as Internet websites around the globe have ticked off the days until the twins reached their 18th birthday and became "legal," it seems the twins themselves began to recognize the blossoming of womanhood in each other.
Tasty tarts...forbidden fruits...milk-fed veal...choice cherries...oh, man, just let us see it!!!!
"First it was just glances between them, then casual friendly touching. It raised an eyebrow or two when they wanted to share a single trailer during films. Rumors of playfully batting each other with pillows, tickling and cheek-kissing ran rampant. And then word went out they were showering together."
"I think Mary-Kate, who had a tendency toward anorexia, overheard two dolly grips snickering about how pussy was calorie-free and that was the final straw. She cast a naughty eye at Ashley and thought, 'I gotta get down on that coochie.' The rest was a lap-tastic frenzy that led to their hospitalization."
"And, it solves the ticklish problem of transitioning from child to adult stars.
Videos of their hospitalization and slow, sensual treatment, will be available through the New England Journal of Medicine and DualStar Video, the girls' own production company. The first title, "Who's Your Daddy - Oh Wait, I Already Know," should be available in late August.
