Every grown man's secret fantasy, after large breasts and easy women - the demolition derby. It's alive and well at USHRA monster truck events.
I'm a confessed city kid and braggish, faux-sophisticated world traveler, so my biggest fears have always been pox, mad cow, and SARS. I went to an awareness rally at the Tacoma Dome, and I fear I may have accidentally caught a touch of this new disease myself.
I tried not to, I really did. The CDC doesn't pay due tribute to this fun-tastic affliction, though it's found in every major city. Can't we at least immunize the elderly, children or those with heart conditions?
It's an acute syndrome. Symptoms include; uncontrollable shouting, elevated blood pressure, manic behavior, and adrenaline-like response. Prolonged infection may lead to mullets and redness of neck, though long-term studies are still being conducted. The only known way to medicate is with Coors or Miller Genuine Draft, both of which are available without a prescription, but offer only a temporary cure.
What's worse, much like with Zombie-ism, those infected are determined to spread their infection to anyone they can find. Even I, my sophisticated self, feel it coming on. Seriously, you've got to go see Bandit dominate Bounty Hunter by a full second, there's nothing better.
I took my own children, and they caught it worse than I did. We weren't home five minutes before the boys had lined up their Hot Wheels cars and stated crushing them with a toy monster truck I didn't even know we had. Dear lord, not the children too!
Grave Digger, a perennial crowd favorite, launches itself into the air after punishing several automobiles on the way - and they were in the parking lot.
It's not even just monster trucks anymore. They've got real trucks tackling courses, wicked little go-carts, and every man's guilty favorite; the demolition derby. They still do that! To hell with attorneys, doctors or those damned anger management counselors, they smash cars together in death-match fashion! It's not even illegal.
You see, I've contracted a bit of the madness, I told you.
The media is really big on Grave Digger, a handsome rig with a long and glowing reputation of crushing unsuspecting, and otherwise innocent cars. I'd seen car and truck shows before, so personal tastes aside, they're all about the same, right? Don't think it's my madness talking, but that thing smokes the rest competition like nobody's business. If obscene horsepower, masterful craftsmanship and engineering or a driver of unparalleled skill even remotely incite your curiosity, forget the rest and go just to see what this combo can do.
If you suspect an outbreak of Monster Truck Madness may be nearing your city, check with USHRA for more information and TicketMaster to get totally hooked up with tickets, dude.
