Big bat...hard wood...plays "catcher"...this guy's a bigger fag than Don Zimmer, who's actually pretty hot when he's spitting tobacco.
Mike Piazza, the New York Mets’ All-Star catcher, is no longer a free agent. The Mets slugger married former Playboy Playmate and Baywatch actress Alicia Rickter Saturday in Miami, where Piazza owns a condo. But why the sudden nuptials? Insiders say that Piazza is sick and tired of being accused of being gay, and figures that this abrupt course of action will stifle arguments in support of that accusation.
“That boy is soooo gay,” said Cam Hokum, owner of New York City nightclub The Closet. “Mike comes in here two, three times a week and hooks up with one of our other customers. After a few dozen drinks and some VERY hot grinding on the dance floor, they leave together. He always tells them he wants to show them his batting cage. Ooooooooh! God, he makes me wet!"
In 2002, prior to a game a Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia, Piazza held a news conference to proclaim his heterosexuality.
“I’m not gay,” Piazza announced. “The truth is that I’m heterosexual and date women.” Yeah, Mike. And we don't look at porn.
Fiancée Alicia Rickter, when confronted with the allagations about her ball-smacking beau, admitted to Glossy News that there has been “no intimate touching at all, despite my [extremely sexual] hotness.
"Mike did tell me he’s may need Viagra in order to ‘perform’ on our honeymoon, and he never looks at me when he says it. He just keeps reading 'Bodybuilding Today" magazine and touching himself the ballplayers always do. But, I know the pressures we superstars are under, so I told him I'd dress up in a sexy catcher's outfit that night. He siad it was a good idea, but asked me to see if I could find a bat-boy's uniform, instead. Being a serious actress, I know I can play any role he wants.”
A body like this is enough to make even Barry Bonds grow his balls back. Put me in, Coach, I'm ready to PLAY!
With the wedding complete and the marriage possibly consumated, both straight and gay hearts have been broken across America. The masturbatory fantasies for millions of Baywatch losers and leather jock-wearing fags are gone now, tainted by the possibility of Richter going down on homo, or Piazza going down on a shallow, silicone-laden whore.
Cam Hokum of The Closet summed it up by saying, "Well, I think they're BOTH just bitches! God, I'm wet!"
