Jeffrey Abrams was personally recommended to bank manager Keith Ingram by an employee and mutual friend. Kay Kwan set up the application and first interview with the Seattle branch manager, which went well, but "That cocksmoker won't call me back" says Abrams.
The job of junior personal financial representative is anything but coveted. As applicant Abrams explains, "the job would barely pay a living, yet this lazy bastard won't even tell me 'no.' Don't I at least deserve rejection so I can go on about my life?"
Ingram, who routinely works ten-or-less days per month, despite running a profitable branch, was understandably unavailable for comment.
Mathis Daniels, a financial analyst on Wall Street, pointed out, "There's a reason Washington Mutual [Ingram's employer] has had such massive layoffs in the wake of the mortgage crash. Do you think it's coincidence? Fat cat management is the downfall of all [the] Fortune 500 companies."
Ingram, whose many public appearances and statements over the years has made him fair grounds for satirizing, said, "Oh, I didn't like him and didn't feel like calling him back." He then went on to apply a thick sheen of mascara before heading off to what can only be assumed is the gay bar two doors down.
When confronted with this fact, Mr. Abrams pointed out his two, 1-hour attempts to meet with Ingram in person. Those incidents both entailed Washington Mutual's Mr. Engram pretending he was on telephone calls in excess of an hour's duration while the applicant sat immediately before him. "He wouldn't even make eye contact with me," said Abrams.
"I gave up two jobs and three weeks of my job search so that fat, happy, handsome bleach-blond bastard could manipulate me, and I always believed I had a shot at the job. Ultimately he shafted me worse than Isaac Hayes. Now I'm a janitor at a [prominent area] hospital."
Abrams then muttered [presumably to himself] "Honesty would have at least let me work at a lesser bank." He then proceeded to cry.
