Deertown, TX — Texas Governor Mack Mackabie ordered National Guard troops to Deertown, Texas earlier today after it was reported that a Jewish family had moved into the High Hills Estates subdivision.
John (Hoss) Williams, Jr. contacted the Deertown police after noticing a pack of miniature French poodles roaming his property. He also heard Hebrew chanting coming from the house next door.
Lox News Correspondent Reynaldo Guevera was allowed into the home and attempted to interview Zelda and Moishe Goldwasser.
“Did you know you were moving into a predominantly Christian area?” asked Reynaldo.
Zelda replied, “Sit down and eat. I made stuffed cabbage and kreplach, and there is fresh challah. You want that you should be hungry?”
President Bush released a statement calling for calm.
“These are our friends. I spoke with mu, uh, Mooshy’s attorney a few minutes ago and told him that for the sake of world peace, Mooshy must take off his, uh, you know, that thing Jews wear on their head that looks like a beanie.”
Deertown Mayor Archie Brown called every Deertown resident and reassured them that a request by Mr. Goldwasser to rename the city to Deerburg would not be granted and that Mr. Goldwasser would not be allowed to open a savings and loan anywhere in the four-block area that makes up downtown.
Twenty minutes away in the Hargrove City Fal-Part, police were trying to control an angry mob that had gathered after the store ran out of white sheets. Cashier Rhonda Whipple said, “It was incredible. People were so desperate for white sheets that after we ran out of the polyester ones, they were asking for 100% pima cotton.”
