BAGHDAD - In a move that had U.S. officials scratching their heads, Iraqi leaders urged President Bush to end military occupation or face the prospect of war.
Iraqi citizens paraded through the streets of Baghdad Thursday, burning American flags in protest of U.S. troop presence. Several protesters also set themselves on fire by mistake, but covered quickly by stating, "This is how Americans will burn!"
A former Iraqi soldier recruits some old army chums during a re-enlistment campaign.
Both President Bush and Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld are puzzled by this latest development. Only a few weeks ago, crowds paraded through the same streets reviling the former Iraqi leader, Saddam Hussein.
"These rag-heads need a hobby," said Rumsfeld. "Maybe they don't quite understand what's going on. "We just ended a war a few weeks ago, for Chrissake. It was in all the papers and everything."
The Bush Administration sent war planners and analysts "back to the drawing board" for new invasion strategies, which would include the massive withdrawal of Coalition troops from Iraq prior to re-invasion.
"There doesn't seem to be much more we can really do," Bush admitted. "I mean, we can beat the crap out of them again, but there aren't any statues to topple or anything. All the military targets were already bombed once. I suppose we could let Geraldo back in."
Secretary of State Colin Powell advocated a strategy of diplomacy, and has requested time in front of the United Nations. However, U.N. insiders point to France as spearheading a revitalized anti-American sentiment.
"France is starting to get pretty friggin' cocky again," according to one ambassador.
French President Jacques Chirac spoke to Bush on Monday, warning him to back down from any further military action, or "...I swear I'll come over there and bitch-slap you. I'm not kidding this time."
