Stoning adulterers and homosexuals to death: Good times.
Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the country's leading expert on a book written nearly 2 millennia ago, has given his support to the disputed leader of Iran; Mahmoud Ahmadinjad.
The pair have decided to invoke Iran's often used constitution, with regards to disputed results, in fixed elections, namely the; "Government knows best and shut your pie-hole before a crazed, masked government militia member blows your head off" bill.
The Iran election involved Mahmoud Ahmadinjad, the current, crazed, black bearded right-wing leader, in favour of Iran nuclear empowerment, death to America, the Great Satan and wiping Israel from the map. The challenger, Mir Hossein Mousavi, is a popular moderate with a grey beard, in favour of Iran nuclear empowerment, death to America, the Great Satan and wiping Israel from the map.
Following what they call an unjust and rigged election, Mousevi supporters have taken to the streets in the past week, clad in green so those in the West can easily chose a side without having to think or concentrate on the issues too much.
Iran's security forces, in an attempt to cut out the middle man, are said to be heading to hospitals, arresting protesters they've already beaten, and taking them away for further beating.
Risking our lives and wellbeing we went to the streets of Tehran to interview ordinary Iranians. Well, when I say "we", I mean the BBC, who we purchased a snippet of news from. Ahmed Mohomad, an Iranian Militia member and sadist said: "Yes, I love my job, I mean, in West you need to pay many monies to high class prostitute in dungeon to do this, here in Iran, I get paid well to torture. Magnificent!"
We spoke to a young man dressed in green, and asked why he was protesting in Tehran, in superb English Adel Arash replied: "I am actually just football hooligan, I turn out at any sort of riot where I can lob a brick at a police or army official. It great fun, no?"
America has used its bluntest language yet in condemning Iran, calling for the Iranian Government "to stop all violent and unjust actions against its own people". Critics have said that perhaps blunter language was required, something along the lines of "stop shooting people in the face and cutting them with razor blades, you crazy psychos".
Officials have said they will have a recount of 10% of the vote to check for discrepancies. However, critics are asking why there cannot be a complete recount seeing as it supposedly only took 5 minutes to count the 40 million ballots previously.
Meanwhile at home, New Zealand Prime Minister John Key fell short of condemning Iran in case the "crazier one" remained in power.
